Drifting

Reaching for that life vest of hope

 

Underwater or above
When sadness invades the soul
Both feel like
A drowning

 

Floating
In a sea of confusion
Seeking the life vest
Of desires not meant

 

Under the influence
Of ignorance
Darkness
Is often inviting
An alerting concept
Of reality

 

Shadowed in the light
That makes one fear
Yet go near
Instead of away
A pleasure
Of a puzzling delight

Copyrights Reserved
@JRB
Drifting

Reviews

[dreaming dame]

Love it. :) BEautiful. :)

[Emily B]

it is good to read you today

[snickerdoodle]

mouth to a flame, irony of escaping darkness.
-
most gripping:
sadness invades the soul
-
drowning
-
Floating
In a sea of confusion
Seeking the life vest
desires
-
Under the influence
Of ignorance
Darkness
Is often inviting
-
yet: worked better for me paring down to bones:
desires not meant - desires not met
- or just desires/desire
-
A pleasure - pleasure
Of a puzzling delight - puzzling delight
--
doesn't flow so well for me like whole poem:
Underwater or above - above water or below
When sadness invades the soul - sadness invades the soul

we start out above water, and as a mostly non-swimmer, i first had to imagine why i'd be underwater, so i stepped out of the poem to exam. when we do swim, we move from above to below, and that would've pulled me into the poem more so. i'm not a poet but people tend to enjoy the parallel rhyme scheme. "sadness" is unto itself powerful showstopper for relating. "invades" conjures rapid movement of that sadness. "soul" elicits an extreme reaction to an invasion of extreme assault into who you are for (possibly) eternity. i'd imagine if a person were in fact drowning, the deadly rapid pace would feel like a fight for all that you are and will cease to be. i'd imagine there'd be extreme sadness as well. the fight of your life. extra words slowed urgency and meaning of drowning for me.

--read this jewel of truth a few times, yes moth to flame, we all do the same, drift against fear:
Shadowed in the light
That makes one fear
Yet go near

[Kim's Poems]

Floating
In a sea of confusion

I really liked this part,
This is amazing and intriguing.
I enjoyed this pondering write.

[The Joshua Letters]

Underwater or above
When sadness invades the soul
Both feel like
A drowning

I love these lines.

I have never been one to spend much time with poetry, but I am really enjoying what folks on this site have.

Thanks.