Sway

Sway

A Poem by Love Struck

Swaying in his arms

I cannot look away

His eyes are so bright

 

I feel light-headed

His embrace is a promise

He holds me so close

 

We both lean closer

Wow, am I really dancing?

This must be a dream

 

I hear soft music

I feel his breath on my neck

I see those green eyes

 

Or maybe they're blue

It's really hard to tell when

He holds me thisclose

 

Rocking and swaying

This moment lasts forever

And then I wake up.

 

 

 

© 2009 Love Struck


Author's Note

Love Struck
This haiku-style poem was inspired from a dream of mine a few days ago...I hope you like it. :)

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Featured Review

"I hear soft music
I feel his breath on my neck
I see those green eyes

Or maybe they're blue"


Okay, I have to get this part out of the way... lmao! "or maybe they're blue...". I'm sorry. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I was going along thinking to myself... aww, this is really romantic. And then.... bam! Hilarious..!

Nice work on this. Your haiku syllable count is right there. I really enjoyed the read. A nice romantically charged dream.... dancing, swaying, holding close, staring into beautiful unknown colored eyes..lol... and then you wake up. Damn.

Well done!



Posted 15 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

soft and tender, very delicate writing. nice work.

-will

Posted 15 Years Ago


I do like this piece, however the flow to me was off... but that's probably because in my opinion haiku poems don't flow lol... this was good though, I felt like I was there watching this happen... good job.

Posted 15 Years Ago


I love these dreams, even if they are just dreams :) Very pretty piece, you wrote exactly how it feels...

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The haiku-style gives the poem a good rhythm. I like it.

It's alive with imagery, but not too complicated.

Awesome.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Now that is getting lost when you can't see the color of there eyes... what nice romantic little piece... don't we just wake up at the wrong times.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this, short and sweet. That must have been a good dream ;)

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is beautifully written. short and simple yet you can feel the emotions of love, of adoration, almost as if we are swaying with you. a delightful read.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh gosh, I just love this. It's like music. Flows as beautifully as a dream.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really like the way the rhythm of this poem communicates the slow sway of the intimate dance it describes.

Perfect syllable structure, apart from 'I cannot look away '; this is purely technical and, IMO, doesn't detract from the enjoyment of the poem.

Favourite line:
'His embrace is a promise'

Good stuff!

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ahhh, very loving and completely beautiful write! I wished a beautiful girl danced with me. Nice poem :)

B.A.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 17, 2008
Last Updated on January 1, 2009

Author

Love Struck
Love Struck

About
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Janine. I'm a small-town girl, I'm addicted to music, and I'm a bit of a tree-hugger. I've been writing since I was 10 (I'm 14 now), and no matter what, I'm nev.. more..

Writing
Chapter One Chapter One

A Chapter by Love Struck


Chapter Two Chapter Two

A Chapter by Love Struck



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