Sway

Swaying in his arms

I cannot look away

His eyes are so bright

 

I feel light-headed

His embrace is a promise

He holds me so close

 

We both lean closer

Wow, am I really dancing?

This must be a dream

 

I hear soft music

I feel his breath on my neck

I see those green eyes

 

Or maybe they're blue

It's really hard to tell when

He holds me thisclose

 

Rocking and swaying

This moment lasts forever

And then I wake up.

 

 

 

Author's Note

This haiku-style poem was inspired from a dream of mine a few days ago...I hope you like it. :)

Reviews

[Dani California]

"I hear soft music
I feel his breath on my neck
I see those green eyes

Or maybe they're blue"


Okay, I have to get this part out of the way... lmao! "or maybe they're blue...". I'm sorry. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I was going along thinking to myself... aww, this is really romantic. And then.... bam! Hilarious..!

Nice work on this. Your haiku syllable count is right there. I really enjoyed the read. A nice romantically charged dream.... dancing, swaying, holding close, staring into beautiful unknown colored eyes..lol... and then you wake up. Damn.

Well done!

[Dillon Cotter]

soft and tender, very delicate writing. nice work.

-will

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

I do like this piece, however the flow to me was off... but that's probably because in my opinion haiku poems don't flow lol... this was good though, I felt like I was there watching this happen... good job.

[Grace Lea]

I love these dreams, even if they are just dreams :) Very pretty piece, you wrote exactly how it feels...

[Mariah]

The haiku-style gives the poem a good rhythm. I like it.

It's alive with imagery, but not too complicated.

Awesome.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Now that is getting lost when you can't see the color of there eyes... what nice romantic little piece... don't we just wake up at the wrong times.

[Solitary Existence]

I like this, short and sweet. That must have been a good dream ;)

[~angelalala~]

this is beautifully written. short and simple yet you can feel the emotions of love, of adoration, almost as if we are swaying with you. a delightful read.

[Gracie]

Oh gosh, I just love this. It's like music. Flows as beautifully as a dream.

[Alex Annesty]

I really like the way the rhythm of this poem communicates the slow sway of the intimate dance it describes.

Perfect syllable structure, apart from 'I cannot look away '; this is purely technical and, IMO, doesn't detract from the enjoyment of the poem.

Favourite line:
'His embrace is a promise'

Good stuff!

[These Haunted Hallways]

Ahhh, very loving and completely beautiful write! I wished a beautiful girl danced with me. Nice poem :)

B.A.