The run

16.6.2009

i.
When I first saw the light, I meant to run towards it. I meant to turn that leaf around and lie in its glorious green, forever. Whether it was for good or for a change? I wasn't quite sure. All I knew was that I wanted to breathe. Live too, if it is not too much to ask for. I wanted to take all my favorite items with me. 2 items, rather. That filthy ipod i've mishandled in every way possible. That dirt of a blanket that barely kept me warm on rainy nights.

Big bag, little room. Young girl, aging mind.
"I saw the light, I saw the light but hey, it never saw me."

That run was off my target. Score - 0 to 1.


ii.
Another night in my bed, mind wandering, as usual.

By custom, i'll count the sheeps. But not tonight. Seems almost impossible to get some shut eye. Inner self reveals, outer self dies.

I wish for coherent sentences to come knocking on my door. Sadly, the only words that are rolling off my tongue are buckets of blocks. Stumbling blocks. Oh, the cat and the tongue. Don't you think I'm better off silent? Huge sighs and foggy breaths. You best be getting some rest now.


iii.
You must be asleep. Your breath, more burdernsome than my shoulders. Poor boy. Quietly, I dragged a chair from the east corner of your room and gently placed it alongside where you rest. Tonight, I shall tell you my second tale.

"When I was in primary 5, this girl, aminah, told me how she came from a family of witches. I foolishly believed her. Did all her homework, her cleaning duties, well, basically anything she wanted. The bully and the bullied. Couldn't stop crying then."

I looked at you.

"Was that where all my tears went?"

Heavy sleeper, aren't you.


iv.
The bullied, and now the bully. Don't we all just love comebacks? Swinging arms, sticks in mouth, the god brothers and sisters with their gigantic stumbling blocks.

"Secondary 2, I went out of control. I had to leave school."

One layer, after another. I peel, you receive. You sleep, I tell.

 
v.
Perhaps I was too loud. Or rather, I got carried away.
Boy, fidgets.

And I watched as your eyes struggled to pry itself open. I would have asked you to just "go back to sleep." But no, new born, I would really like you to see what I see.

You then asked why I'd rather sit on that wooden chair than lie down beside you. "I thought you might want more space" I answered.

Endearing smile, I see you understood.


vi.
Fell asleep and had the most amazing dream.


vii.
I dreamt of a place where I woke up to people running. The sun beams brightly, and all the birds, wouldn't stop singing. And life was full of hope, because truth hangs on a crystal clear rope. Oh, that upwards slope, in heaven, we, the circus troupe. The world was full of beauty, the beasts never angry. Our smiles were all so carefree, our eyes, they shone so brightly. On monday, there came a graceful birdy, who told me, that he felt a tinge bit giddy. I smiled and giggled and laughed, then whispered, "oh you pretty ruby, you just need a little poetry."


viii.
I woke up to find you gone. Why? I woke up to an empty made bed. How? I woke up to that familiar filth of a blanket draped over me. It must be you. Where are you? And so I waited. 59 minutes.

I waited. An hour.

ix.
But.
Then, I remembered. And then, I smiled.

So, I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I ran until I blended in with the trees, clouds and birds. And all i knew was that I wanted to breathe, I wanted to live. So badly, oh how so badly. The wind and I, the ground and me. I ran, and I never stopped.

"I saw the light, I saw the light and hey, it finally saw me."

You were there. Oh yes you were.

x.
"You weren't dreaming."

Endearing smiles, I see we understood.