Once Upon A Summer

Seasons fade, but memories stay with us.

This story is not a fairy tale and doesn't have a happy ending 

But there sure are places where Cinderella will wish she'd be in 

You have your life and I have mine 

But our paths crossed, once upon a time 

I see you everyday and get lost every time 

That I look straight at your beautiful eyes 

Even better is the fluttering I feel inside 

When I realize that you're already looking back at mine 

On the way home, you're so occupied by your thoughts that you didn't hear what I said Too focused that you were only looking at what is ahead 

I snapped you out of your little trance not long before you again looked me in the eyes 

I realized that moment that whatever it took I had to see you one more time 

You let out a soft chuckle enough to ring music into my ears 

Your eyes showed only hope as if they have never shed tears 

Hoping for this moment to never end 

Which reminded me we were only two kids lost in each other's innocence 

I have to remember that life comes and goes

Taking things away before you realize they were even yours 

For a moment, I'd like to think that there's only the two of us 

But bring me back to what is where we could only enjoy on what was 

I slowly let you go not daring to look back 

Seeing your worried face would just break me so bad 

My last memory would be you holding my hands 

I would be running back to them if only we had the chance 

How many times do you have to see someone to know 

That they've changed you in so many ways, you're not the same anymore 

Every time I try to fall asleep at night 

Your image is the last thing I see before I drift to that happy place of mine 

Your perfect little features that reminded me so much of a little boy 

Would remind me always of what we had which was something so pure 

Now kiss me ever so gently as we say goodbye 

I know that when I close my eyes, my dreams would take me to that moment when you were all mine 

05.04.12 7:03 PM

Reviews

[one sky]

Hello, Margret. I am Marguerite. We almost have same name, haven't we? I like the theme of your poem. It has a nice rhyming scheme, too.

I just saw some lines which need to be enhanced here. Hope these would help and no offense please. I only wanted to help:

"On the way home, you're so occupied by your thoughts that you didn't here what I said"----do you mean "you didn't HEAR what I said"?

"I have to remember that life is come and go"---I have to remember that life come and go (delete is) or if you want to make it a term "come-and-go" then it could be ..."I have to remember that life is a come-and-go"

"But bring me back to what is now where we could only enjoy on what was "---to what is now could be better if TO YESTERDAY ..."But bring me back to yesterday when we could only enjoy on what was". I think you cannot bring back something at present unless you are already in the future. LOL. The following stanza also reveals you want to go back to the past.

I like your statement: "Seasons fade, but memories stay with us."

In general, I like your poem...or I won't take the effort to read the whole of it and suggest some things to improve it. When I like a piece, I would suggest ways to improve it. If not, then I would not review at all. Thank you for sharing this piece, Kabayan. Keep writing. :)

[Margret Sent]

I've considered some of your opinions, and I really appreciate them. Thank you so much.

About the line "But bring me back to what is now where we could only enjoy on what was", the line before that says that "For a moment, I'd like to think that there's only the two of us"-- this is more like a daydream. So in the line that follows I want to go back to reality which is the "now".

Hope that makes sense.

I love the name, btw. And you said Kabayan, I take it that you're from the Philippines, too? That would be great.

[one sky]

Of course, my dear. There's a group "Kabayan Atin Ito". You can join it so you can talk with other Kabayans in this site. Glad you considered some of my suggestions. Anyway, I would love to get others' suggestions in my work, too because posting our pieces here would be more meaningful if some people would help enhance them and not only receive such overused "adjectives" of bronze praises. Haha!