Chapter 12: Release

Abigail intends to release all of her demons.

Abigail.

 

The feeling of being to blame isn’t nice,

 

it isn’t soothing or calming,
obviously it is anything but.
And the feeling of finding out

 

last that everyone knows your
deepest, darkest secret...
 I can never explain the

 

embarrassment, the shame.
But even worse, the
amount of time it takes



for the news to sink in.
I want to hurl myself
off a cliff, be a coward

 

 just like my brother was.
Every inch of my skin,
every piece of my being

 

is crawling with anger.
I want to plant my fist
into Peyton’s face. I have   

 

never felt even slightly violent
before.  I want to hurt him
for hurting me. I also feel like

 

I owe him something though,
it’ll be a little less humiliating
now that I know. But even if,

 

it wouldn’t erase their minds.
I guess now it makes more
sense now. This is why no one

 

had bothered to get me back
into the social circle. Why
bother the crazy cutter? She


may even come at you with
her bedazzled razor. I can’t
help but wonder if my parents


know, and if they were just looking
at it the same way as everyone
else. They do, I bet they do.


They were never good with
 dealing with teen problems
and life issues. Not until some

thing as drastic as suicide occurs.

Would I have to go that far to get their attention?

 


This isn’t exactly how I pictured

 

my first one on one conversation
with Peyton. There is a

few minutes of silence until he speaks.
"But I’m not here to get pissed at you,

I invited you here to have fun! Wanna
go inside and get a beer?" He gets

to his feet, holds out his hand, clearly
not very stable or fit enough to help me up.

I ignore his attempt to be civil and
glare at the once arousing face.

He stares back, offended. "Suit
yourself." He stumbles back inside.

I slowly roll onto my knees and
onto my feet. I am angry,

no, furious. The word seems
to hold a much stronger

meaning when explaining the way I’m
feeling right now. I stalk

my way back into the house
intent on getting drunk and

 

releasing all my demons.

 

 

I am done with being good,

 

for his sake. Keeping
all my anger in check,
all the  

 goodness

 

has run out.  Remembering
my little slip up with my mother
I know it really                           

  has

 

and
all that’s left is this
yearning to      

   become

 

rebellious. Reach
heights I never have
before and be anything but       

      boring,

 

I will return to the old
Abigail. Threatening,
naive,                  

         and

 

I’ll bring hellfire
objects back down,
using them for                                   

evil

 

to steal others happiness
for my own pleasure
The idea had me shaking. Truly,            

    alluring.