Chapter 6: Truth

Abigail decides its time to start moving forward after thinking of her past.

Abigail.

 

It’s not like I sat there and said to myself,


tonight I’m going to ignore
my brothers instructions completely
in hopes that this tragic event
will occur and drive him to go crazy

and ruin his life. It never happens that way.
But  I was young, my friends and I just
wanted to have fun. I figured that my brother was
just trying to ruin my life or something

sisterly like that. I blame myself for
it, I blame myself for everything.
And I should, because it is my
fault. If I had kept my butt at
 
home like he asked me to they
wouldn’t of had to... and then
they would’ve just continued-
but there’s no use in thinking

about it now and mourning over
it. We’ve mourned for too long.
I need to get out the house and
do something productive.

 


People said the beginning would be worse,
 

and then gradually it’d get better.
               I’d feel better, stop blaming myself.
                           We’d all get a sense of reality and move on.
      But that never happened. The beginning wasn’t

as bad as I thought it was going to be.
                I told myself God wanted this to happen, that only
                                     something good could come from something this
                    bad. But slowly, it crept up on me, and once it

settled in the truth hit me like a
           ton of bricks. He’s dead. Not coming back, and it
                                    was intentional, self driven, meaning God didn’t
                    plan for it to happen. I drove him to do what he did.

There was no higher power behind it, or a man with
                      a beard. Just me, myself and I. The first year was
                                    the easiest. I ignored all texts, rejected all calls, even
                 closed the door in my closest friends faces. I didn’t have

the drive or the energy to do anything or go anywhere.
                      But at least at that time, I was still in one piece and
   not relying on my newest companion to keep me
                                                  going. I went to school, accepted the blank 'sorry'                
 from almost every student. The first few were sincere            
                   but after that it felt as though people were just saying it                  
                                   because they heard their friends had. It became a sick     
                trend, feeling bad for Abigail Hunter because her crazy                    

brother offed himself. My friends didn’t appreciate me        
                  ignoring them, although any decent person would understand                                   
                                      why. Anyways, the second year, up to now, I've found a better                        
                  way to cope with the pain. I mean, it feels great and helps         
 
me forget for however long each slice decides to          
                  bleed, but that doesn’t last forever (I'd never gone that far).      
                            Therefore,  things have only gotten worse, not better. I rely on           
            a thin bathroom utensil to keep me going. My blade.         

"Abigail, Jamie’s on the phone."
               It’s been almost a week since my little breakdown at         
                           tea with my mother. She let me cry it out in my room                       
                                           and the next morning we both went on as though it   

 never happened. She’s kept away from Tyler
                     references as well. But I’d like to see how long she   
                               can keep that up for. "Tell her I’m busy." I don't want            
          to talk to anyone, especially Jamie. She is Ryan’s                             

 twin sister. Fraternal, of course. He passed away a
                       little over 2 years ago. Drowned in the old, abandoned                               
                                community center pool. He was a good friend of mine,   
            better than Jamie…. "Abigail, come on. Just pick up                            

 the phone. You haven’t left the house since Friday."
                        "That’s because you still force me to go to school."                                  
     I hear her huff from downstairs as she puts the phone                                     
                    back to her ear. "I’m sorry Jamie. Abigail is swamped with             

 homework. But I can tell her you called okay? Bye sweetie.
                         She wanted me to tell you that Peyton Greene                                
                                    invited you to his party". I drop the book I have my 
         nose in and hop off my bed. "It wouldn’t be such a             

 bad idea for you to go out and get out of the house would it?"

No, no it wouldn’t.