Feelings

All I need is your happiness.
you are happy, this world seems mine.
Beautiful is everything.
'Your smile' is all I have ever wanted.
There are still miles to go but
don't know why I always stop at you.

You are sad, sadness prevails everywhere.
just to see you gives me a felling ' I too am alive'.
your presence warms the heart.
with me or without me all I want to see is happy 'you'.

My eyes long to see you.
Your smile has been my only aim.
You seem to be the only reason to live.
Heart has some space reserved for you,
I myself am unaware about.

Thinking of you, only one thing comes to mind,
' you remain happy always'.
Be mine or don't be.
That doesn't matter, what matters is your happiness.
Every time my heart beats, it echoes your name.
I will love you always, that remains to be the only universal
truth now.

Hope you understand someday.
if you don't that doesn't matter.
I will continue to praise you for the whole of my life.

You will be always there, there in my heart.
Preserved, untouched and pious.
you will be always there in my prayers
and the day I stop remembering you,
will surely be my last day .


While I am about to die, my last wish will be to see you.
Might God be having problems with all this,
but God you created heart as such.
Am I responsible?
If yes, what's my fault?

Reviews

[Tasfia Islam]

Awww....this is so touching... :) One thing I would like to suggest is reading through the work over and over again , so that u can correct the silly mistakes that seem to be quite annoying in such a wonderful poem like this. In the first stanza, forth line, 'Your smile' is all I have wanted ever. It wud sound better if it was like, 'Your smile' is all I have ever wanted.

And the most beautiful lines : and the day I stop remembering you,
will surely be my last day .

Overall, it was a lovely poem with a deep feeling which I can successively feel cuz u made it able that way......great piece of work... :) keep it up
And thank you for sharing....

Annabelle. :)

[Jamsheed Shafi]

thanks.
keep suggesting .
it was actually written in hurry, so mistakes crept embedded in it.

[Tasfia Islam]

No problem,.. :)

[Chris]

The main difficulty I have with this poem is with my knowing English has to be a second or third language for you. You are quite good enough to express what you sought and it came across and I readily understood. But Poetry being an aural art requires it be read aloud to both listen to and feel the rhythms and flow.

"Beautiful is everything" - and everything is beautiful... yours tells me you haven't grasped placement and order and mine shows you I really understood what you said.

You HAVE the words, you have their understandings ...now you need to practice and develop your order of placement and use of connections and articles. In English what you say matters AND so does when, where, and how you say it. When (and sometimes - even how) you pause between words or phrases or ideas ...often defines... meaning or even another "shade" or possible meaning. Little things ALWAYS count toward clarity AND depth.

The last stanza - line 3... who does "you" refer to? Is "God" being used as an expletive or a demonstrative or is it perhaps even a real reference to God or even somewhat a combination of all three?

Take care,
Chris

[Jamsheed Shafi]

Thanks Chris.
keep suggesting.
your opinions mean a lot.

[Dipanjan Dutta]

A touching write to find one's fault for his/her soft heart. There is no one responsible for that as such but the surroundings may sometimes seem a bit unworthy of kindness. The rhythm good, the feelings intense and the strong wish to see the soulmate - adorable right Jamsheed. Keep going...and going...and going...

:) ~ Dipanjan

[Jamsheed Shafi]

thanks dipanjan.