That Day.

That day was beautiful.
There were winds but there was also a calm.
There was an innocent me waiting to see someone.
Then she came ......

The winds were slow but my heart beat fast.
I tried to talk and talk out of my heart.
I waited for an opportunity to come
But there was none......

Then came that time, I was ready to talk.
while I was about to say, she left me in that way.
I followed her and said 'you are the one'.
Body shivered, hands trembled and everything
became out of focus.
only thing I could see was her....

Now was her turn, 'impossible' she said.
I am possible I heard.
But with time she faded away.
And I lost her in that way.....

I know that's past.
But everytime I move forward,
Present has to struggle with the past.
So I remain where I am.
struggling to move forward.
Struggling to live.
struggling to exist.....

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"I know that's past.
But everytime I move forward,
Present has to struggle with the past.
So I remain where I am. "
Some wisdom in your words. Sometime does feel like we are going backwards. Hard to see results. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Jamsheed Shafi]

THANKS A LOT FRIEND

[aviisevil]

A nice structure but needs ton of work to make it better, the flow isn't easy on the eye and the story is somewhat weak. It's a nice poem but can be a-lot better.

[Dipanjan Dutta]

A truth that we come across each day, dealing with the past, a struggle to forget and move ahead. This with a beautiful romance blended in the right propertion has made your poem amazing. The way the lines are arranged shows the work of an efficent poet. Keep going Shafi. I am sure to enjoy more of you.

[Jamsheed Shafi]

Thanks dipanjan for your kind review.

[Aparna]

I loved the first stanza the most. The whole picture you have painted, from the start to end is really awesome :)

[Jamsheed Shafi]

thanks aparna.

[M.A.Rathore]

Most romantic, most vibrent in way you expessed your deep sentiments with a nice tale.Beloveds behave like this.They act like that they are unknown towards the feelings their lover feel for her.This is story in verse.


Then came that time, I was ready to talk.
while I was about to say, she left me in that way.
I followed her and said 'you are the one'.
Body shivered, hands trembled and everything
became out of focus.
only thing I could see was she.....

Now was her turn, 'impossible' she said.
I am possible I heard.
But with time she faded away.
And I lost her in that way.....


Your romanticism ends with the word"imposible" Yet at the end part of the poem your draw a fine picture of words...

I know that's past.
But everytime I move forward,
Present has to struggle with the past.
So I remain where I am.
struggling to move forward.
Struggling to live.
struggling to exist.....

Alas! The lot of the lover is for remorse..Still he has to suffer more to get his dream come true..

Keep writing..
Have a nice time!

[Jamsheed Shafi]

thanks sir.
thanks a lot.

[M.A.Rathore]

Welcome....always

[Laura Lynn]

...this is what we are dealing with most of us, if only we could get past this! My favorite line is "there was an innocent me waiting to see someone" or "That day was beautiful." Really with this one I guess it isn't the individual lines that make it shine but just the way the lines are interwoven to make one fabric.

[Jamsheed Shafi]

Thanks laura for reviewing it so nicely.