Chapter 9: There's a First For Everything

Shea's husband and father attempt to sway baby's first words.

I keep wishing Xavier’s 20-year-old self was here so I can show him how amazing he is.

Jasmine

6 Months Old…

“Da-da,” I heard Everett say from the kitchen. “Da-da,” he said again. I moseyed in, my head tilted, eying him.

“What are you doing?”

He looked at me like he’d been caught wiping crumbs between the couch cushions (I know this from experience).

“Nothing,” he said.

“You’re trying to get her to say Dada first.”

He stared blankly at me, and I shook my head.

“Unbelievable,” I said with a laugh and left the room.

***

“Look how big she’s getting” was the first thing my dad said when we met for lunch later that day. He'd called earlier that morning to tell me he would be in town. I hadn’t seen him since the big blowout with my mom, and he missed me. It wasn’t until now that I realized how much I missed him too, reminding me that not only had he not seen me, he’d been missing some of the most important moments of Zoe’s life.

“It’s grandpa,” I whispered in Zoe’s ear and pointed to my dad. She looked at him and smiled before she buried her face in my shoulder. That made him laugh, and the tension disappeared just like that.

“How are you?” Dad asked once we got a table.

“Great,” I said.

“And Everett?”

“Good. Working a lot.”

“I bet he is. He has a family to take care of now,” he said, solemnly--almost proudly. “You did good with that one, kiddo.”

I smiled. “I know.”

“So how’s the little one?” he asked, and we spent the rest of our lunch talking about Zoe. I told him everything that had been going on--about Zoe’s weight and my breastfeeding problems and our little bed mishap. Like Everett, he simply laughed and said, “We all go through it, Princess, and look...you turned out just fine.” It was so easy to talk to my dad. I hated how often I forgot that.

“Everett is trying to get her to say Dada first,” I told him.

“Oh, really?” he said with a laugh.

He looked at Zoe sitting in her high chair, smacking the table in front of her with both her hands spread wide. Dad leaned in closer to her face.

“Gram-pa,” he said. “Gram-pa.”

Zoe looked at him for a moment, then went back to smacking her hands on the table and reaching for the napkin. I laughed.

“Sorry. That’s about the same response Everett got.”

“She’ll say it when she’s ready, and I can promise you this, it won’t be because of any goading from any of us. And she’s a free spirit, this one. Her first word will probably be ‘elephant’ just to prove a point.”

When our laughter faded, it got really quiet, and I felt like I knew what was coming next.

“Your mom wants to see you,” Dad said, not looking at me because he knew I didn’t want to hear it. But he loved my mom and he loved me, so he said it anyway.

“Great. We’d love to see her,” I said. “As soon as she apologizes.” The callousness of my own voice startled me. It was like something had clicked in the overly-polite side of my brain and I couldn’t go back, no matter how much easier it would be.

The hopeful looked that crossed Dad’s face disappeared as quickly as it came. He picked at his napkin.

“You know how she is, Shea,” he said.

“I know, Dad. But it’s not just me anymore. I have a daughter of my own to think about. I don’t want her teaching Zoe it’s okay to disrespect me.”

My dad nodded. “I know. You’re right. I just hate to see you two fighting like this.”

“All she has to do is apologize and start treating me with respect. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

“No,” he said. “It isn’t.”

Ten minutes later, Dad kissed Zoe and me goodbye and promised to have Mom call me. I wasn’t holding my breath.

***

The next day Riley called and told me I had to meet her at the coffee shop immediately. The uncertainty in her voice made me anxious, and the look of confusion on her face confirmed it when she sidled through the door and dropped into the chair across from me.

“What’s wrong?”

“She slept through the whole night,” Riley said.

“Alexis?”

“Of course, Alexis. Who else?”

I thought about it. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“No. I don’t think you understand. I mean the whole night. She didn’t wake up once. When I woke up this morning I thought she was dead.”

Alexis shook her plastic keys and we both looked down at her.

“Clearly she’s not,” I said.

Riley and I smiled at each other.

“So is that why you dragged me out of the house at the ungodly hour of noon?” I asked.

She shook her head, saying nothing.

“What?” I pushed.

“I met a guy.”

I gasped so loudly the people at the table next to us looked over. My enthusiasm faded when I realized Riley didn’t look as pleased.

“Are you wired backwards today?” I asked her. “Why aren’t you happy about this?”

Riley sat up and leaned toward me with intensity. “What the hell am I supposed to do with a guy?”

I tried to be serious, but I snorted behind my coffee cup.

“Don’t be cute with me,” she said, bordering on desperation.

I smiled and sat back in my chair. “What’s his name?”

“Tim.”

“Well that sounds promising. Is he cute?”

She raised an eyebrow. The what-do-you-think look.

“Ahh. So that’s the real problem. It’s not that he’s interested in you. It’s that you’re interested in him.”

“Is it too soon?” she asked. “Alexis is only six months and who knows if Derek will decide to show up one day. Do I really want to bring another man into Alexis’ life and risk both of us being disappointed?”

“First,” I said. “Don’t you dare wait for Derek to come around again. And if he does, you turn him on his heel and send him off in the other direction.”

“I know. Trust me, the last thing I want is to deal with him. If I wanted two babies in my life, I’d just get pregnant again.” She let out a maniacal laugh. It was the same laugh we all used when we talked about having another baby. “He left before he even met Alexis, so as far as I’m concerned, he’s not her father. Besides, I think the fear of child support will be enough to keep him away.”

“Let’s hope so.”

Alexis let out a cry. Riley pulled her out her car seat and sat her in her lap.

“And as far as too soon,” I continued. “Only you can know that. Do you feel ready?”

Riley groaned. “I always hated it when people asked me that when I was pregnant. What does ‘ready’ feel like exactly?”

“It feels like...scared out of your mind but willing to give it a shot anyway.”

“Oh, well, in that case...” she said sarcastically. She took a long sip of her coffee. “I don’t know. I feel like I want Alexis to have a family. I never realized how important that was to me. I grew up with a single mom, and it took me having a baby to see how much I wish I’d had a father figure in my life. I want that for Alexis. I want that for me.”

“I think you have your answer,” I said.

We sat quietly for a moment. Zoe babbled in her car seat on the chair next to me.

“So where did you meet him?” I asked.

“Here,” she said. "About 20 minutes ago."

“But...” I pointed to the door.

“I drove around the block." I stared at her in disbelief, and then we both burst into laughter.

“Call him,” I said.

***

Zoe babbled in the car all the way home and I made the “gaga” and “baba” noises along with her. I even threw a “dada” in there for good measure. She squeaked and squealed and it made me so happy to hear her so happy. The little things that make them smile...

We got home half an hour before I expected Everett and I still hadn’t gotten her down for a nap. She was wide awake, still singing her songs as I unbuckled the car seat.

“A ba ba ba,” she said.

“A ba ba ba,” I said back to her.

“Goo goo goo,” she said.

I repeated it back to her. I had her out of the car seat with her head over my shoulder when she said it.

“Ma ma ma ma.”

My heart skipped a beat, and I held her out to look at her. “What did you just say?” I asked her. She looked away and smacked her lips. “Did you say mama?” I asked. She looked at me like she’d only now realized I was there. She continued to smack her lips. “Mama,” I said. I said it again. And again. She just smiled, stubbornly. She was like her mother that way.

I never told Everett. he worked so hard for our family and I knew he'd miss some of her firsts. She’d say Dada eventually and I wanted him to have that. It was important to him. I already had her every moment of every day and with that, I had everything.

Author's Note

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