going down

Made this poem up in science class. Its how I feel 100 percent.

Going down

Falling deeper into the pit of dispair.

Becoming more unhappy.

Going down

Not wanting to live anymore.

Sinking deeper into to my depression.

Going down

Falling, trying to cling onto the edges.

Slipping and sinking farther.

Going down

Falling faster

Mabey no one will come

Going down

Hitting the bottom

No longer willing to fight or live.

Going down.

 

Reviews

[Chaya Prasad]

wow looove it!!!!
can't wait till saturday & sunday (oh yeah!)

[fallendemonofmercy]

if only there were more people who would be willing to help another - give me a shout and i'll find you!

[Vansgirlrocks]

heyy Im here for ya! lol
just find me and I'll pull ya
out of there =)

[[Dark]]

when one of my classmates comes up to me, and asks me to read his poem, i ofcourse review it with as much criticsm that i think necessery. i always tell him that when your describing something, never repeat the words unless you are planning to, as a.... phrase that is important to the poem. like when your saying the darkness is masking the light. and then he says the light cant find a peak through the darkness. right after it, well... your being repetetive in words... which truely subtracts the value of the poem. when you want to repeat the words, you have some sort of pace.
you have met these requirements in creating a true piece. actually, that would be an understatement, because the challenge isnt only using the best language you can, and arranging the poem the way its meant to be... its everything you put into it, and you want me to be honest.

you are phenominal. i love that phrase going down and how u repeated it in some sort of rythm/beat. i liked... the tempo. this was a wonderful poem. (i think i wrote too much in the beginning. lol)