Kiss You In The Rain.

Your eyes are little waterfalls

pooling on your pillow.

I hate what she has done to us

and the damage that will follow.

 

Here comes the rain, pouring down.

All the hope’s blocked out by the clouds.

Take my hand, hold it tight.

We’ll make it to the next sunlight.

Walk outside with me, don’t be afraid.

I just want to kiss you in the rain.

 

I cling to you as it thunders

and whisper that you’re perfect.

You fall asleep in my arms tonight

and it reminds me why you’re worth it.

 

Here comes the rain, pouring down.

All the hope’s blocked out by the clouds.

Take my hand, hold it tight.

We’ll make it to the next sunlight.

Walk outside with me, don’t be afraid.

I just want to kiss you in the rain.

 

Reviews

[Ian Caithness]

In terms of the poem itself, it's both darkly powerful and beautifully poignant but it touches on a subject that is so typical of any form of poetry; the subject of love. In the first line, it states that "Your eyes are like little waterfalls / Pooling on your pillow", I do believe that the word "eyes" should be replaced by "tears" since your eyes do not pool, your tears do. It could simply have been how you were writing it at the time.

There is an occasional rhyming pattern, especially in the first, second and fourth stanza but it is variable and doesn't match any particular standardised form. The repetition of the second and fourth stanza is a common feature of poetry and it would work well if each line were not seen as a single sentence. What it does is to detract from the general meaning of the poem.

It does make use of some interesting sensory imagery, the "thunder" in the third stanza in the first line is evocative of the first stanza where there is that mention on the "damage done to us". That's powerful and it links the poem together where otherwise there would be no link between each stanza.

It is a dark poem and it works well in that sense but the final line and that repetition of "I just want to kiss you in the rain" is too clichéd to have a dramatic impact. Try using other similar phrases and deploying literary devices in the poetry.

[Kate Hunter]

Its a very touching poem. You are a very talented writer and you have a lot of potential. Keep writing -- You're good at it.