Chapter 8

 

Chapter Eight

 

 

There was nothing I could do to defend myself, James saw what he saw, there was no way around it. We could only be thankful he didn’t see us a split second, before he did, before our illusions had gotten set in place, it really could have been worse.

I was not sure what to say to James at this point. “I’m sorry” came from my lips but it was so close to a lie that it left a bad taste in my mouth. I really wasn’t sorry for what I’d done; only sorry he’d walked in at such an inappropriate moment.

James threw the thong at Thomas, but turned his attention to me “Was it worth it?” the anger in his voice tearing at my already growing guilt. “Was he worth the last two years we’ve been together?” James asked again.

I could feel the tears hot and salty already stinging my eyes. Thomas instinctively reached for me to comfort me, and I let him, which only further infuriated James. “I still love him James,” came between broken sobs. “I wasn’t sure I could after all this time, but I do. I’m sorry this is how you found out, I never meant to hurt you, but I can’t deny what I feel or who I feel it for.”

I stood there looking at James, knowing I’d said I wouldn’t do exactly what I’d done, I also knew that he knew very well in the time we’d been together, I’d never once told him that I loved him. I did not love him, nor had I or would I ever he knew that. We had never discussed any plans of the future, or anything that would leave him to believe that we had anything more than we had now. However, in the two years we had been together, there had never been another man in my life, in sort of romantic way. The truth being I wasn’t looking for anything romantic when I met James, it just sort of happened, I wasn’t so much unhappy being with him, as I knew it couldn’t go any farther than it was, I wasn’t looking for anything more. Well, except with Thomas, I had always thought we would be together forever, but that was a child’s dream of how the world worked, I was a child when I had thought it.

Until a couple of hours ago, the actual thought of going home never really crossed my mind, to them I was dead or so I had thought. I was a runaway from the grotto, never to be allowed back, by traditional Mer law. I still wasn’t altogether sure I was going home to stay; only to claim what I felt was mine.

“I thought you felt that way about me,” James shouted in my general direction, “I know I feel that way about you.” He turned slightly slamming a fist into the wall, this wasn’t the first time I’d seen James’ anger reach that level, we’d fought like this before though never over another man, and never at my place. I’d been lucky to this point that he’d never turned on me, but I knew he had the potential to do it.

Maybe that was why I was still with him; I was scared to leave, because I knew he’d be angry, I had a problem with letting others down. So many had let me down in my life that I didn’t want to do it to some one else, no matter the cost to myself if I could keep from doing so. I knew I’d already let down my family when my magic didn’t come. I knew that I was less of a Mer because I never had a tail. I knew that it was Thomas’ destiny to be king with or without me, that I wasn’t important in that equation; the same effect could be had with him wed to my older sister. I’d never felt like I’d belonged anywhere, except the swim team, even there, I was lying to everyone in order to belong. With everything I’d been through tonight, the tapes playing in my head overwhelmed me, I could feel my illusion starting to break, I lowered my head sobbing into my hands.

Thomas took a step forward towards James, “I think it’s time you leave,” his voice was so different; it was if he was talking to an underling.

“And I think you should go back home to your cornfields and cows” retorted James indignantly. “Things were fine until you showed up.”

With that, Thomas took another imposing step forward towards James pushing him out of the room with his sheer presence, closing the door behind him, leaving me by myself, so I could regain my composure. I don’t know if he’d noticed my illusion dropping or sensed I needed to just break down and cry.

I slid to the floor, the water works going full tilt at this point, I couldn’t help but cry, I was so physically and mentally drained, I just didn’t know what to do with the overflow of emotions. I’d never been one to deal well with emotional things anyway, and this day, this very long day, had just been too much for my brain to handle. I sat in the middle of my bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel, rocking and crying like a child.

The next thing I heard was some one throw a punch, a set of keys being thrown, I only know this because they hit the wall with a metallic clink before they hit the carpet, then the door slammed, and it was silent.

I sat there, not wanting to move, not wanting to face Thomas, I hadn’t told him about James purposefully, I’d really hoped that James would respect my space, and trust me. Yet again, I’d let some one I care about down, I felt so utterly and totally useless at the moment; I asked myself why I even try. With that thought, I got to my feet, dried my eyes, managing to restore my personal illusion, I opened the door slowly, looking around the room. Thomas was sitting on the sofa, he’d put his pants back on, but from what I could tell, that was all he’d done, other than get himself a glass of orange juice from the fridge.

“It’s ok, he’s gone.” he announced as he looked at me. “Understand this, it’s not that I care that you’d tried to move on, but why didn’t you at least warn me you had some one in your life so I could be a bit better prepared?”

I exhaled heavily, “I don’t know” I answered, “but, I guess I’ve let you down too, by not being honest.” I started across the small room to the kitchen, I grabbed a tall glass filling it about half full of ice, grabbed a soda out of the fridge, and reached for the bottle of rum sitting on top of it. I proceeded to make myself a good stiff drink. I walked back into the living room, sat down next to Thomas, “It’s ok if you want to stay you know,” I looked at him, for some sign of things between us still being ok, “but, I do understand if you don’t want to.” I started to down my drink, not gracefully, not ladylike, just down it. I wanted to be numb, the problem with that, is Mer don’t handle alcohol well. It didn’t take me long before I was too tipsy even to hold my own illusion, at which point I stumbled towards the bed, announcing I had a nine am class I had to be at, proceeding to pass out after setting my alarm.