Drunk

It shouldn't be done to us

There he stood 

one hand on his waist

No one could help me

No one could save me

He's done it again

He was holding a bottle of beer

all that surrounded me was fear

 

He walked towards me

I prepared myself for the

Shouting

Pushing

Slapping

The Abuse

Afraid to fight

I stay put

Hoping for this hell

To stop and let me escape

 

 

 

 

Save me ....

 

 

Author's Note

I miss writing.Didn't put too much effort in this one.So,,,,,

Reviews

[AshliJane]

very nice :)

[PaperHearts]

Wow! This was such a powerful piece of writing. The imagery you created was so vivid and evocative, and the emotion really shone through. I liked the way your poem progressed, and thought that the last line made for a perfect ending. However, I did think that your poem would have been more effective if you had kept all of the lines short, particularly in the first stanza.
A harrowing, yet heartfelt write. Well done,
~PaperHearts

[Hello, Goodbye]

candor is always worth a page of poetry.. nice writings..

[Alisha Mark]

Crazy, this would fit right into the contest I just created. Okay, my feedback.

There's NO punctuation -- so your only break in the piece is going to be the stanza's. And for a piece that is supposed to be very powerful, I think you're hurting yourself by not placing a comma, period, or dash somewhere within. A potential stanza break would be perfect ("He's done it again |BREAK| He was holding a bottle of beer") here. You're starting a sentence on top of sentence, so another suggestion would be -- "all that surrounded me was fear // (as) he (approached) me // I prepared for the // shouting // pushing // slapping..." I think this gives it a stronger, present emotion. I think the WC of "and lastly // abuse" is actually a negative for this piece. Sometimes being blunt in poetry works, but I think in your piece, you paint the picture that only a sloth couldn't figure it out. The |BREAK| between the second stanza and "save me....." is too dramatic, for this piece. Really good piece,

[Flo]

thats a short nice poem, sad to be honest, but enjoyed it (the sick minded person i am)
it really sounds heartfelt and many have this problem nowadays.
Very nice, never underestemate your efforts.

-Flo