Torn-Up Teddy Bear

Toys have feelings.That's what I say.BTW,read part 2.It's coming up

Teddy was left alone on the floor

Forgotten and lying behind the door

He was all torn-up and dirty on the outside

Hurt and pain was what he felt on the inside

 

How he wished he was loved again

To be able and play again

He misses the sweet voice of his friend

The laughter he used to hear every now and then

 

Many years has gone by

His friend has grown up

A yr later he was found

Still lying on the floor

 

Teddy was glad to his friend

He thought they'd play again

But then,Teddy was wrong

He was sold to another kid named tom ......

Author's Note

incomplete.haha.

Reviews

[Thomas B. Buckman]

Send me a read request when you finish, then, if you would, tell me how to send read requests. Good read so far!

[Alisha Mark]

I'm going to go against the grain. I'm not a fan of this particular piece because I don't feel like a lot of people can really, connect, with an inanimate object. I feel as though it's just a very, novice piece. Reminds me of my older pieces. The structure is very, cut and dry. Four lines in every stanza ; not only are they lines, but you are just putting in 16 short sentences together to build more of a elementary school story that takes on a different form. I think if you change up the particular way in which you divide up your lines from sentences, you'll be in check. Look forward to reading something else that you've written.

[emmajoy]

Finish it, then I'll come review it properly. In the meantime, it's sad but oh so promising.

[Sasha]

Sometimes, writing is best left incomplete. But that is only my opinion. I found this poem very understandable and yet filled with emotion and perspectives. Excellent work. :)

[Aimee Mahathy]

Aww, this is so sad!
It's fine that it's incomplete for now~ I hope you finish it soon!

[eyepencil]

I find it ironic we both enjoy writing about teddy bears. :)
Wonderful piece. even if it is incomplete. :P

[Undying Glory]

well if you ask my opinion, yes it is. it's good so far but people would want to know what did Tom do to the bear or something like that. anyway good job and i hope there's a part 2!