Fading Horizon

I'm falling apart . and that's because of ........

The way you looked at me

it was so deranging

It almost killed me

When you walked away from me silently

 

What have I done?

Nothing as I've presumed

This gap between you and me

What has caused this nonsense!

 

Another girl or is it just me

Reasons I can't figure out

why are you killing me slowly?

Just tell me for crying out loud

 

Our love is becoming a horizon

that's impossibly fading away

What must I do

To make our love stay?

 

"You and Me" you said

things couldn't work out

"I've found another girl"

from the pain,I wanted to shout!

 

Oh faded horizon

Oh faded love

My heart beat slowly ended

As he and I broke up

 

 

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

If someone has 'found another girl' then it begs the question did they ever love you at all? Most high school relationships that end were never a true essence of love. There is a fine line between love and obsession. And I'm not targeting the writer, but this poem in general. But I like your illustration of using the fading horizon as a symbol of a fading love in which we reach for it but it diminishes beyond our fingertips. Again, you have a lot of talent and you are improving every day. Incorporating rhyming into poetry keeps the reader's attention as well. Continue improving.

[The Matrix 550]

:'-) That made me cry!!! (In a good way. It's beitufil!!!) I give it a 10000 but the box won't let me!!!

[r]

nicely written... way to express your emotions! keep up the work!

[~A.J.P.~]

Nice job conveying emotions. Love and pain often go together. I've heard it said that the ones you love are the ones that can hurt you the most, something I have found to be true.
Keep writing and keep loving, the rewards to both are immeasurable.

[Dev]

Honestly This poem has a very nice theme. Touching. But you just might want to check out the beginning two or three paras. The ending is nice. I loved your comparison of love with the horizon

[Simone]

I see in your poems that you have a great scence of conveying emotions, which is a good thing in a writer, as emotion is our biggest tool after words.
Over all, this was a pretty good read- keep it up.

[Undying Glory]

really sad, yet still so true in our imperfect lives. awesome work

[EarthExile]

I can't say I was particularly impressed with this poem overall, perhaps just because I have a hard time relating to the emotions involved, but one thing stuck out to me as notable.
I love your use of "deranging". It's especially effective, drawing the eye as an oddity and yet perfectly articulating a difficult-to-explain concept, while maintaining the poetic structure. As anyone who reads Stephen King will attest, unfamiliar or invented words can sometimes be the only word for the job, and all the more effective for being alien.

Okay poem, fascinating use of words.

[Aimee Mahathy]

Wow, this is mildly depressing but very very touching. It's so honest~ I admire that =]
Great job! I enjoyed reading this amazingly-written piece

[Coyote Poetry]

Heart fade away to empty-ness. A sad poem. Description and story brought us in. A excellent poem.
Coyote