Oh, no Eleanor

Eleanor is a 17 year old girl who feels insecure about herself but society views her differently.

  Eleanor is not who you think she is. The world is not what it seems to be true. Most people would see the world differently, others see it as same as any living creature. The truth is that what we perceive to be true is sometimes wrong; sometimes, people need to look at the wreckage and use it to build another perception on what is actually the reason behind it. Everything else is just a mere abstract idea, and we, human beings, create different meanings out of the things that are in front of us; we are the ones who will interpret the meaning out of it, but the thing is why do we, people, interpret something that is likely false. We tend to assume certain things that are expected to be true, and it made me realize that I couldn’t please anyone in this world. I can't change how their mind works; how they interpret the artwork of Van Gogh’s Almond Blossoms or Claude Monet’s Boulevard Des Capucines--that people seem to love just because it’s a famous artwork. And each of every individual views a certain person differently, whether it’s a friend, a relative or not blood related. And that seems to complicate a lot.

  Every time I enter the campus, people would stare at me differently. Their eyes would scan me, starting from the bottom up until my face. I hate the people who criticize me. There are certain questions that would run in my head: is my shirt looked good on me? Does the color match my shoes? How’s my hair? Is it messy? Am I pretty today? Today only? It enraged me so much that I would run to the girls' washroom and check myself out. I’m not narcissistic, but people would think that I am that kind of person. The bathroom would always calm my nerves. Staring at the mirror, a female figure standing there, straight back, silky brunette hair that falls right on her shoulder, wearing a simple tee, her long lashes make her eyes pop, and her thin lips curved into a smirk and the girl who’s staring at her reflection, is me. You won’t believe it if I said that every after period, I would stare at the mirror for approximately 5 minutes, or if I don’t have time to go to the bathroom, I would use my phone as my reflection for me to see if I look gorgeous. All of my friends would get tired of me talking about myself or talking about my opinions to a certain topic. I, sometimes, forget that I am already cutting them off whenever they want to respond on my opinions. I guess I am a little too much. The truth is it is always about me. I remember one time during dismissal, my friend Joey, ranted that Mrs. Dory has favoritism in his General Chemistry class. And as soon as he was about to start to open a new topic, I cut him off. The idea of me being rude and insensitive didn’t bother me that much especially when I am with them. I was comfortable to them. My ears listened more to my own voice and not to the others. My mind shuts when the people around me start to speak, but instead it focuses only when things being talked about is me. It is always about me. The rumors spreading at the campus say that I’m too much of myself. It is because of the idea that I am narcissistic in the eyes of the society.

  Unfortunately, the school is the only place that I can boost my confidence--I say I’m pretty or beautiful or gorgeous, you name it. I would act as if I am a queen bee. Often times, I degrade the others for me to uplift myself; I know it’s bad but it happens. The truth is I am not the same as Narcissus. I have my own reasons. At home, it’s not always about me, it’s about them. It’s not me who's the one who would shut them off when they are talking, or it’s not me who would ask them if I’m pretty, they are the ones who would completely always talk and talk and talk about themselves--it’s tiring to hear. And now, I want to feel what it is like to be the center of attention and where no one would criticize me but me. I am tired of the constant voices in my head that say that I am nothing but a skinny and insignificant girl in this universe. I am tired of my nagging parents who would scream at me and tell me how useless and worthless I am as a daughter in our family. For once in my life, I hope that society would understand that I did those things for me to feel what’s like to be confident outside of my house--outside of that small house that is constantly yanking my arm not to get near to the people around me. I am tired of being no one in that home. Home, a place that should make us feel at peace. So, whenever the classed end, I would hang out with my friends and be free. Oh, no.

Author's Note

I don't know if this is a short story, i feel like it's more an excerpt from a story hahaha. I'm sorry about that, but feel free to review it, I'll appreciate it. Also shout out to my friend, Mildred who proofread this. Much love. ps. im not satisfied with this one, i wrote this before i supposedly went to an event but guesss what my parents cancelled it.. which is why it looked rushed and theres no conversatiom. BIG SIGH IM SO SORRY AHJSAHJDSBS

Reviews

[neurostar burns]

Simply, use knowledge. Knowledge first, not others.
It sounds like you are constrained by a neighborhood. This means that a lot of people you rely on might not understand that the world is much much bigger than all are. The world when looked at offer many different perspectives to choose. Be not limited, gather knowledge. Inspect the knowledge. Things will change. Use your imagination. Best,
neurostar

[¿]

Reads like an issue of a teenager's being tangled in the reflections she receives from around her and from the mirror at her existence....yess, I can relate to this one....
The most intensive part of our life is our teenage...good way if you choose better life you make, bad way, life at stake!
Hope you're doin' well at every stage...thanks for sharing your incredible imaginary :)