Why I love pain...

I guess it's mostly the ones who hurt us, that stay.....!

I know, one would say, it’s like a sharp dagger stabbed into my back. A bellow of anguish echoes in the house. My eyes tightly shut to obliterate the very last tears that would ever roll down. A contorted face, completely comforted in nothing, but pure pain. The dagger which awarded the agony it promised, contently bathed in blood of affluence.
Or, just that instant when a vile bullet would pierce through my left temple, when I would punish myself for having existed. There again, filled with brimming pain, just for a moment and yet so satisfying.
Even then, when I felt sudden ice in my chest when I learnt what had happened. A million pieces of hard glass smuttily scratching me from within, and yet my face oddly unobtrusive.
I know, it hurts. I know it incises, I know it is painful, but I love it. Love it for the certitude that it covers me in its entirety, stays with me, with abounding assurance. Promises to never leave, lodges me in its congenial torture, and takes from me nothing, but now and then, a rancorous shriek. I’ll never be afraid of losing you, I’ll know that you will always love me, and only me. Hope may depart, but you! You will never leave my side, you’ll hold me tight when all are gone, just like you always have. Forever shall you be mine, ardent pain.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Love and hate. A heart beat apart. People can suffer a lot for love. Even pain. I understand your words and thoughts. Many people live in misery and it is okay for them. Powerful words shared my friend.
Coyote

[Jags]

I couldn't agree more with you! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[JayG]

Well you did ask, so you have only yourself to blame for this. 😜

First, at only 236 words, it’s way too short. But of more importance, you’re both writing, and editing from your own chair. That’s always a mistake, because you don’t need to read this. You already know the story. It’s the reader who this must make sense to. Fail to take that into account, and…

Before you read the first word you know where we are in time and space. You know who’s speaking, why, and their objective for speaking. In fact, you hold a mental image of the situation as you read. And as you do read, you hear the emotion you want to be in the narrator’s voice—your voice. But, not knowing where we are, who we are, or what’s going on, can the reader? No. For them it’s a dispassionate voice speaking in the dark.

So what meaning does your reader get from that? Only what the words suggest to THEM. Based on THEIR background, not your intent.

Look at the opening as a reader must:

• I know, one would say, it’s like a sharp dagger stabbed into my back.

“One would say?” Who is this “one?” And what is this "it"you say is like a dagger? Certainly not me saying that because I know nothing about the situation, the "it" or the speaker." So why would I—who just arrived and who knows not the smallest thing about what you’re talking about, care that someone I don’t know would say that? That’s gossip. What would you say, and why? That’s story.

And? “Sharp dagger?” Is it better if someone stabs you with one that’s not all that sharp? Or is it worse? But that aside, in stabbing, it’s the point, not the sharpness of the blade that counts. And all daggers have a sharp point because it’s part of what makes them a dagger.

In short: Who’s talking, and why? Lacking that, the reader has no context to make the words meaningful. You have context as you read, of course, and that hides the problem from you.

See why you need to edit from the reader’s chair, not your own?

• A bellow of anguish echoes in the house.

Ahh…someone stepped on grandpop’s gout filled toe, right? Or was it little brother complaining that he had to take a bath? Without context, the words literally have no meaning to the reader. That’s why one of the first things covered in commercial fiction writing classes—after what a scene actually is—is that when entering a scene you need to address the three points I mention above

It’s not a matter of talent, or how well you write. It’s that till pull the reader in as a participant, with context for what’s going on, they’re just placing words in a row.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Jags]

Thank you very much for your time..will surely implement the points that you have suggested :))

[JayG]

If you can, pick up a copy of the best book on the tricks of fiction that I've found, Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It's free on the site below:

https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea

[Jags]

Oh my! Thank you!