I Remember

A very (very) old poem, written over a decade ago after my first real relationship came to an end

I remember the small things

The moments that seemed almost trivial at the time

But that later made my chest ache

I remember

How it felt the first time you pulled me closer

Tangling me in an embrace

A paper slipped between my fingers

As our hands slipped apart

I remember reading the note a dozen times on my bus ride home

I remember

The nerves

The anxiety that made my heart race after I said yes

How I expected it to be a joke

How I expected you to change your mind

I remember that you didn't

I remember

Skipping the pep rally

To sit in the cafeteria with you

Doing nothing more than talking

And laughing

I remember that you made me laugh a lot

I remember

The embarrassingly ridiculous high school dance

The Halloween one

Where neither of us wore a costume

Because neither of us originally planned to go

I remember being very glad that you showed up

I remember

The song playing from the speakers

With the cafeteria tables removed from the room

Bodies everywhere rotating in slow motion

Your hands like fire on my lower back

I remember the song, it still reminds me of you

I remember

The kiss at that same dance

Because who ever forgets their very first kiss?

The heat that radiated through my entire body

Starting at my lips, and ending at my toes

I remember smiling for hours before falling asleep that night

I remember

How painful the move was

Leaving behind my best friends, my family

My childhood, safe havens

You

I remember not wanting to let go of your hands before I left

I remember
The break up

Polite and almost detached

Unsurprising

We were kids, living three hours apart

No one expected us to stay together

But I remember wishing we had

I remember
Hating you for a while

Because that was the thing that you do with an ex

So I was told

You cut them out, villainize them

It makes the break up hurt less

But I remember that I missed you, even when I hated you

But I remember missing you most of all

When it was late, and I was lonely

When I was in school and had no one to ditch the pep rally with

When there was no curly haired blond boy 

Teasing me and making me laugh

I remember every part of our relationship

The way it began

The way it ended

And everything that followed

I remember wishing to never forget

I remember

Wondering

If you remember