Excerpt eight

from Jack's Inferno, chapter 23

When we hit the main deck, I look around and ask myself how I ever could've possibly imagined that we would somehow stumble across a better scene than the one we just bailed on.

The whole goddamn ship's on fire, just for starters. Oh, I know...the fly mentioned it earlier. Nobody really stressed it too much, though. Very casual, probably happens all the time.

Well f**k you. This is a big deal. This is a very big deal.

Secondly--because the towering inferno isn't enough to constitute a crisis in Hell--we seem to have sailed straight into the evil throbbing heart of a horrible maelstrom. Tidal waves, black clouds, thunder bolts, acid rain, terrible whirlpools spiraling us down into a watery grave...typical maelstrom.

Third--because apocalyptic doom just loves to make a f*****g list out of itself--there's a goddamn sea monster half the size of Texas checking out our ship like it was a cheap toy begging to be smashed.

Horsley stumbles over towards me and Karl. He stands beside us and takes an extended swig of rum as we all solemnly gaze up at the proud and unconquerable middle finger of fate. The three of us almost share a moment.

Without taking his eyes off of the storm, Horsley says, "Guess you boys can have the ship now. I'd say see you in Hell, but..."

"Yeah, I already did that joke."

"Oh. Well, uh...just as well." And with that he pulls out a revolver and blows his brains out.