Being in a place where the sun is especially atrocious (summer is just round the corner) I could still appreciate it's warmth spreading over the blue azure skies and go on in the face of it's heat,
"Yet time will come and go
As high above me lay sheltered wishes
Which I harness in tethered ideas
Collecting on shoulders of heated display
Brushing off doubts uninspired
Turning to face this sun…brightly unaffected"
A great poem on life and how we are looking at it amidst all the heat and light.
Blue sky swan dives fall eternal
On the brink of feelings conjured
Draping over azure dreams
Becoming slower minutes crawling
In the middle of everything unaffected and still bright, so there is hope beyond every negatives, enjoyed
You know I find your stuff to be, for the most part, flawless, and therefore, I rarely comment on grammar, word usage, etc. In this piece tho, I stumbled over the "lay sheltered wishes" -- to my ear it sounds a little off -- seems you might be able to replace it with something -- wandered, walked, danced, floated? I don't know, lay just seems a little bland here, just a suggestion, but maybe think on it?
Jack you always bring the sun to my side of the world... with either your poetry or your kind words to me each day, I am sitting here completely awe-struck.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you so very much for your kindness always Sye. I only hope I bring the same sunshine to your w.. read moreThank you so very much for your kindness always Sye. I only hope I bring the same sunshine to your world that you bring to mine.
11 Years Ago
You do Jack, I am pretty sure it's one in the same.
aaaw but Jack, even if mom says not to look at the sun, we all knew that that was where the fun was... (at least says Springsteen).. ok, here we go, I got extra sun glasses, lets look Jack... lets be "affected" until we are blinded by the light!!!! er... where are we again, I can't see a damn thing... lol. ok I should actually review huh... well, my first thought is: "blue sky swan dives fall eternal"... and the rest of this part is exceptional poetry in my view.. I mean, there is depth of insight here if you are grasping just how far you are diving from that blue sky.. When I thought about this I was thinking you could get lost in this dive... anyway, my mind goes in funny places sometimes.. All this is to say simply I did enjoy reading your poem even if I am blind and still looking at the sun (at least I think I am)... ~~redzone
Thanks so much my friend. I think I've been blinded for some time now. I know I can't see worth a fl.. read moreThanks so much my friend. I think I've been blinded for some time now. I know I can't see worth a flip. It all seems so dark to me (he says as he trips over his own feet). That was dancing actually. :) I am thrilled you enjoyed this. I was just sitting at my desk yesterday and the sun was beating down on my shoulders, but I didn't turn to look because I was revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.
11 Years Ago
cool another Springsteen fan.. who sings along at the concerts??!! and at the computer screen...
Not much to tell about me, I am just Jack, I am a poet, a writer, a musician, a painter, a builder and a dreamer. I live in south Texas but am originally from New Jersey and miss it more and more all .. more..