I like this, it's clear and well constructed. the feel of it makes me smile and feel good. The first line would be better IMO, if it was "Frozen in layers of lemon frosting'.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thanks Mark, but the syllable count I was using was 11-10-11-10, so dropping the drop would have scr.. read moreThanks Mark, but the syllable count I was using was 11-10-11-10, so dropping the drop would have screwed up the meter I was trying to write.
10 Years Ago
Maybe sweet lemon frosting ? I dunno lemon drops and frosting are two different images that don't re.. read moreMaybe sweet lemon frosting ? I dunno lemon drops and frosting are two different images that don't reconcile.
10 Years Ago
Mark, have you ever had a lemon drop martini? I have and I can assure you there is such a thing as .. read moreMark, have you ever had a lemon drop martini? I have and I can assure you there is such a thing as lemon drop frosting. Look it up my friend.
I'm sure there is. But I'm just providing you with honest feedback. The images conjured by the line .. read moreI'm sure there is. But I'm just providing you with honest feedback. The images conjured by the line felt wrong. I did like the work however.
10 Years Ago
...do you get the feeling that someone hasn't gotten laid in a while, just saying ;-)
10 Years Ago
It's been a very long while. I'm not being cranky though, just honest.
I have been well. Facing certain problems, so I've been away. Been away from my home as well, foolis.. read moreI have been well. Facing certain problems, so I've been away. Been away from my home as well, foolishly thinking I would find sanctuary some place else. But it simply turned out to be worse. But I must move on. Anyway, I see many requests in my inbox, so I'll get right on reading them. Might get some inspiration as well. :)
10 Years Ago
Good luck my friend. life is a journey...many ups and downs...but it does level out eventually.
10 Years Ago
That I believe. :) That is why we must keep fighting, because everything happens for a reason. Thank.. read moreThat I believe. :) That is why we must keep fighting, because everything happens for a reason. Thank you, dear friend.
Not much to tell about me, I am just Jack, I am a poet, a writer, a musician, a painter, a builder and a dreamer. I live in south Texas but am originally from New Jersey and miss it more and more all .. more..