Echoed Pleading

 

 

Echoed Pleading

 

Her pain…

My knees are blistered, ripped

Hands clenched, white knuckles

My thoughts echo in my head

Over and over

Can’t you hear me…pleading

 

Her pain…

I’ve carved initials in imaginary trees

Wrote poems in fresh blood

Cried for no reason…yes reasons

My breath is heavy on my chest

I stare up…up…up

 

Her pain…

I am weaker, yet still strong

Singing promises in off tempo phrases

Drowning in sanded fears

Clutching my heartstrings, knotted

Dreaming nightmare’d blemishes

 

Her pain…

I have done the best I can and I will

Smiled when I couldn’t

Laughed as I frowned

Collapsed against my well wishes

Screamed to the heavens

 

Her pain…put it all on me, all on me, all on me, all on me

 

 

Reviews

[gabrielle]

Taking the bullets for the one we love is perhaps the ultimate sacrifice we could offer. Yet, there are those battles that could only be fought by the one concerned and this is even more terrible for we could not do anything to alleviate the pain. Heartbreaking write, jack.

[Jack...]

Gabrielle, I can assure you, I would, without thought, take a bullet for someone I cared for. But you are correct, some pain we can't take away, but just letting them know we would try sure does help at times. To know someone cares is the greatest medicine in the world. Thank you so very much my friend.

[00000000000000000000000..]

That's a lot pain Jack! I seen it many times. Its wild what love can do in a depth of a moment. They say weapons hold power on earth??? Naw don't think so! The greatest most powerful weapon of all is Love

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Jonathan...if only we could bottle the stuff. :)

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Welcome Jack, It can be bottled, Bottled within a heart. It be a good write but I feel I am done with that.

[Diana]

Ouch. If only you could make it disappear...

[Jack...]

Indeed Diana...if only. Thanks so much my friend.

[Justine]

Great technique here Jack. Repetition adds emphasis to the emotion and pain laced throughout. It's raw and full of deep feelings of frustration and hurt. Like what you did with the final line too - so sad. But I think we sometimes do take responsibility for what may not be completely ours to own. Your poem tugged at my heart strings, I felt it, and that's a sure sign the poem did it's job. Justine :)

[Jack...]

Thanks so very much Justine. Yes, I often want to heal even though I am not the cause. I appreciate your kindness.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Says so much about pain and what it involves.

[Jack...]

Thank you Josie.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are welcome.

[Pryde Foltz]

Her pain…
I have done the best I can and I will
Smiled when I couldn’t
Laughed as I frowned
Collapsed against my well wishes
Screamed to the heavens

Her pain…put it all on me, all on me, all on me, all on me

It sounds to me it is … great write, my friend. Passionate and strong.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Pryde

[Baby Ricochet]

Reads like many a desperate plea. Good one Jack

[Jack...]

Thank you my friend.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A telling piece, graphic imagery, well done, good read.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Thomas

[Kellyrose]

Jack,

a truly wonderful write

[Jack...]

Thank you so very much Kelly

[Kellyrose]

You are very welcomed

[Lydia Shutter]

((((Jack)))))) this brings to mind the way I felt about my Mom when she was near the end...and about my aunt right now. When someone we love is suffering, we suffer too and we would gladly take the pain away from their shoulders if only we had that within our power. Again, the overwhelming compassion is stunning. So very emotive. Lydi**

[Jack...]

Thanks so very much Lydi for your kindness today.

[s y e]

Sounds a bit like how I feel to be honest. A very powerful write my friend. You can feel and see everything, extremely powerful.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Noodle.

[s y e]

Welcome...