You have conveyed your deep and aching longing so well in this poem, Jack. and it`s a feeling I know well....and also know how locked away you can be, so that to release these emotions becomes like trying open a safe without the combination. This is the first piece of free verse I`ve read of yours, Jack. I`d like to encourage you to write more....but I`m sure you do anyway. Thanks for this, mate. P.
Posted 11 Years Ago
0 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks so much Pete for stopping by. Free-verse is a new adventure for me and I am embracing it the .. read moreThanks so much Pete for stopping by. Free-verse is a new adventure for me and I am embracing it the best that I can.
I tend to like reading fiction more than poems, but I loved this. This stanza is by far my favorite:
If I carve our initials in this wooden bench,
sturdy as it may be,
would that brand me a fool?
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you so very much. I appreciate you stepping out of your normal reading routine to read my poem.. read moreThank you so very much. I appreciate you stepping out of your normal reading routine to read my poem.
A sad state of affairs for sure is the projection the words of this poem. To be held tongue-tied by the mere presence of one so lovely that has to be agony.
Sitting here I wonder,
these clouds of grey overhead,
do they speak my name in full syllables
or will the sun find me, waiting,
wishing that I could say?
Perfect imagery and flow. I don't know if I can relate or not, but it sings so close to my heart. Wonderful.
Lovely piece! Mechanically, it is sound. Imagery is fantastic and it flows very nicely when I read it aloud. It is reserved but telling all at the same time. Vulnerability is its strength and aesthetically it is pleasing.
I was hesitant to read this poem, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to relate as I so rarely find myself rendered unable to speak.
This line was pretty cool: "Endless thoughts paint abstract on this soul"
Well written poem. For me, it may have gotten caught up in the weather for a little too long. I was longing for it to take you to your point. That is prob a matter of personal taste, but I thought I would share, just in case it gives you a certain perspective of this piece of writing that you were wondering about.
That all said... I wrote a poem a while ago called "Dear Sir"- I feel like that is the very other end of this poem. It's about waiting for that sir to say something or do something, because I am a girl, I'll only wait. I expect the man to take the reins. Maybe that is what this other person is doing, just waiting in knowing that they'll not be the one to call the shots.
Posted 11 Years Ago
0 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you so much. This situation, I feel, happens often as does the opposite that you describe. It .. read moreThank you so much. This situation, I feel, happens often as does the opposite that you describe. It is kind of funny to think about, he sitting there nervous about speaking to her, and her wanting nothing more than for him to speak to her. Thanks again.
11 Years Ago
I am sure it is a common situation.
That's because it's the man's job! hahaha
Welcome, n.. read moreI am sure it is a common situation.
That's because it's the man's job! hahaha
Welcome, nice job!
DEPTH! Your poem is full of it! Very well written. The imagery from this poem is fantastic. The picture is a great compliment as well! Thanks so much for sharing! I look forward to seeing what else you may develop!
Not much to tell about me, I am just Jack, I am a poet, a writer, a musician, a painter, a builder and a dreamer. I live in south Texas but am originally from New Jersey and miss it more and more all .. more..