Darkness

Darkness, what mor can I say

Darkness

By Jack Ivey

 

Darkness invades

The depths of your soul

You stare into nothing again

 

Tear stained illusions

Carved in the alley

Shadows foreboding descend

 

Labyrinth branches

Woven temptations

Blistering quick on the heel

 

Blind definitions

Of splintered emotions

Soiled the whispers you feel

 

Dance with the keeper

Slightly off balance

Break, never yearning to bend

 

Darkness invades

The depths of your soul

You stare into nothing again

Author's Note

Just a quickly written dark poem

Reviews

[Christoph Poe]

I'll be honest: I didn't find this piece as appealing as the ones I've read before. Not to say it was bad in any way, it just didn't meet my tastes. I caught myself reading lines over again at several points, and I think that was because the overall image you looked for hadn't quite come through yet. I think with some revision, and a little more direct information, it could be a lot better!

These are only my thoughts! Please don't feel discouraged. Lol. I'm only ONE messed up soul in this messed up world. :)

Take care,
Chris

[Jack...]

I am not easily discouraged my friend, I appreciate your comments.

[Christoph Poe]

You're welcome! I'm about to start reading your short story. :) I'll hopefully have you a response today.

[Jack...]

Thanks, I just wanted to show another side of me.

[Christoph Poe]

And I'll say so far: WELL DONE. I'm loving it. Get back to you soon. I've got some running to so. Take care!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Fabulous, rhyme, rhythm and message.

[Jack...]

Thank you so much

[Sami Khalil]

Darkness invades

The depths of your soul

You stare into nothing again.
This one speaks volumes...
Thank you for penning...:)

[Jack...]

Thank you for your comments

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

I like Harry Potter...and this seemed like a new prologue to your own version series...:)
u watch/read H.P too?

[Jack...]

Thank you, I saw the movies, but never read the books. Sorry.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

ok

[Carolann Dowsett]

Wow I can relate to this, very deep and dark with lots of meaning. Great write.

[Jack...]

Thank you Carolann, but I thought you were going to sleep?

This was probably not the best poem to read right before that.

[Carolann Dowsett]

I was but then I decided to post two more chapters for you first now I'm going to sleep :-)

[Jack...]

Sweet dreams

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thanks :-) now all I have to do is try to switch off the brain :-)

[Patrick]

the quickly written ones end up being the most striking I feel...loved the sentence, 'break never yearning to bend

[Jack...]

Thanks so much. I appreciate you reading my poem.

[David Scott]

Now this is "Dark"! A pot calling the kettle black Jack... ha
Your poem was well formed and read like a chanting warning.
"Break, never yearning to bend", was the line that caught my eye and seemed to be the fatal flaw that sounded the dark fate you penned so well.

[Jack...]

After I reviewed your piece and you replied something like Dark ha!, I wrote this piece. I knew we needed something else dark.

[David Scott]

Mine was a freaking ray of sunshine compared to this... ha

[Jack...]

The that was it, I was temporarily blinded.