7th heaven

7 lines of beauty

Seventh Heaven

 

Silent sunny mornings

Along deserted shores

Solitude of windsongs sung

As our hearts explore

The dream, the sea,

Each day we find that we are free

And all that comes before our eyes in traces, we adore

 

Author's Note

A poem written for the 7 line contest

Reviews

[I, Rene]

I adore the word adore. I love the gradient levels of conscientiousness(?) portrayed or at least that is how I perceive it. Rising to the perfection of sun, or perhaps vibrating representations of the seven spiritual realms, or maybe you just appreciate colors at varying degrees, in any case it is beautiful and transcending, I enjoyed reading.

[Jack...]

Thank you so much. I am happy you enjoyed it.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

yes

[Holly Mason]

what an enjoyable read- hope ya won*)
seems like it is the sunrise and sunset all in one
you sure do dream about the beach*)
for today I hope the floods are not affecting you and yours
thank you for sharing fine sir

[Jack...]

Thank you Holly. All is well in my neck of the woods.

[CecilA]

Jack,

I love this 7 liner. Do you need "in traces"?

[Jack...]

Thanks, I kind of like it. But I suppose I don't really need it. Thanks.

[CecilA]

What I think isn't important; I was just wondering.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Its fine too

[WingsToFly]

Beautiful write

[Jack...]

Thanks so much

[Carolann Dowsett]

This is so sweet and lovely, I felt as if I was there walking along the beach on an early Sunday morning. Very nice :)

[Jack...]

Thank you so much. I am happy you enjoyed it.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Welcome :)

[Dennis A. Clark]

Good one.

If it weren't for the seven-line parameters, I'd want the second half to be formatted like the first, for consistency:


Silent sunny mornings
Along deserted shores
Solitude of windsongs sung
As our hearts explore

The dream, the sea,
Each day we find that we are free
And all that comes before our eyes
in traces, we adore

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

u cud try a collab with Jack on his next masterpiece ya know:)

[Dennis A. Clark]

Collabo-write? Is there a way to do such a thing here (other than the "old" way)?

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

the old way sound fine...too
Like Good ole ale and ginger juice mixed in a country contraption..

[Dennis A. Clark]

Who's the ale, and who's the ginger juice?

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

both are equally important to the famous brand name that shall be....as a result of the exotic concoction

[David Scott]

Just ok for me Jack.
The meter threw me off and I wanted more from the title...
I did not hate this but it did not blow my into "Seventh Heaven" either.
Your building up from a simple sunrise and then back down to the light left in the lovers eyes is very nice.

[Jack...]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It was for a 7 line poetry contest and the 7 lines was a challenge for a rhyming poet like myself.

[David Scott]

It was true to that mark and just a tweaking would improve the read for me. I'm jsut saying what I feel as I read... I'm a dentist, not a literature teacher, so take it for what it's worth.
It is good to stretch outside your comfort zone. Keep it up!

[Jack...]

So reading it was like pulling teeth?

[David Scott]

Not at all! Ha. Not even close!

[KAOlmsted]

Thanks so much for sharing your poem.

That's a review I wrote for the 7 word review contest ;-)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

The shading and the gradient of your art work is just fabulous! It catches the eyes while being ever gentle with its shades and color tone.
The Sun if that is what is it is nicely reflected on the waves of the ocean that is about to consume the daylight.
The poem brings the mind to a serene sunny deserted beach with the lovely company of a lover as i see it...it can also mean this journey of drifting on the sea of life ...as days go by...
The last line i had to read thrice as to put in a mental punctuation but i managed within invisible comma after traces....just to make it finish:)
or else....an unfinished masterpiece leaves me with sea-sickness.
Well done Jack wish you the best!

[Jack...]

Thanks so much

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Yes

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Thank you very much Jack. Thank you for taking the time to write your lovely poem tailored to suit our contest.
Please await the seven day contest results. All the best!

[Jack...]

Your welcome. I had never written a 7 line poem before. It was fun. The art work was the best I could do on my computer. Thank you.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

yes its fine!