Chapter 1- The mirror

Master of none

By

Dillon Kernaghan

Chapter one: The mirror

Jack let out a large sigh as his eyes explored his naked body in the bathroom mirror. It was a master piece as far as the average person was concerned. Between two hours at the gym every day for the last ten years and his carefully regulated diet there was hardly a spec of fat on him. His muscles were strong and hard. Yet the look on his face was one of disapproval. He did not see anything worth keeping.

Three months prior to his depressing staring contest with the mirror Jack was on the top of the world. Still in the newly wed phase of his marriage, he got the job of dreams as a police officer working in the Knight department, life was great. Until he got the call that a titan known as Lycoan was holding an entire bank hostage. When he got the call his blood ran cold. It was the First Calgary on the corner of fourth ave and fifth street the same bank Susan, his wife worked at.

Jack tore out of the station in his squad car, painting the roads in a furious red and blue tint. His siren blaring a song of desperation. His heart was beating so hard a small part of him was worried it would break a rib.

As the car squealed to a stop at the police perimeter around the bank making skid marks on the pavement. He stumbled out of the car with vomit teasing the back of his throat. Jack's eyes were racing for the commanding officer whom he identified as commissioner Lockheart. “ Sir my wife is in there, what is the situation?” his voice broke as he mentioned his wife. Lockheart's eyes looked to his shoes, he cleared his throat as he looked back up. “As far as we can tell its stable, Lycoan is asking for thirty million dollars and a helicopter ride out of here.” Silence fell between the two for a moment before the commissioner started speaking again. “ He says if any knights show up or he doesn't get his money and the ride he will kill every one in there.” Panic struck Jack like a cold knife to his stomach. “ We are giving him the money right?” tripping over his words as he tried to say them all at once. “Now you know the protocol, if we gave in to one of them we would have to give in to all of them. Williams I know its hard but sit tight Zeus is on his way.”

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. Zeus was the knight in charge of Calgary's Knight unit. Which is a department of the police force with an actual knight. Some one with powers far greater than a normal human could ever dream of. Normally in an given Knight department there are two to three actual knights. The rest of the unit is made of normal people who act as a clean up crew or crowd control when great disaster occur. Calgary only has one knight though, Zeus. This is simply because he doesn't need help. Zeus is ranked fifth strongest knight in the world so titans generally steer clear of Calgary. Titans being beings of similar strength to knights but use it for self gain.

“With all due respect sir my wife is in there, and Lycoan will kill every one in there if Zeus comes any where near us.” Lockheart held his stare for a brief moment before letting out a sigh. “ Lycoan is only a class three titan while Zeus is a class seven knight, we have nothing to worry about.” As those words left his lips a woman came barrelling out of the bank screaming. Her face was ghostly white with streaks of crimson blood over the pale skin. Her left hand was clutching the bloody stump that was once her right arm. With the opening of the doors many more screams rang out from the building. With one look to the commissioner Jack started sprinting towards the bank. Some where in the back of his mind he heard Lockheart screaming at him to fall back , he couldn't. His legs were caring him all on their own.

As Jack reached the door he fumbled with his right hand for his pistol hanging at his side as his left hand grabbed the cold steel door handle. He tore it open, adrenaline pumping in his veins like never before. Opening the door felt like opening the gates to Hades. Screams of terror exploded out the moment the door was opened. The cold hand of fear clutched Jack's heart as he took his first step into a scene right out of a horror movie. There were bodies torn up all over the floor, laying in pools of blood were the corpses of at least a dozen bank patrons. Vomit started to tickle the back of Jack's throat.

Blood was draining from his face as he searched the bloody mess for his wife. He couldn't see her. Then more screams coming from deeper in the building shattered his concentration.

Holding his pistol with both hands he started running towards the sounds of screaming. He came to a room with the label “employes only” As he reached for the door handle he realized that it had been torn out of the door , claw marks had painted the door with red. With lead in his stomach he pushed it open. All the tables in the conference room had been flipped over. Blood was every where. Another three people laid dead on the floor, completely torn to shreds. Jack froze as his eyes focused on the figure standing eight feet tall on the other side of the room. Lycoan looked like a man who was part wolf, eyes completely black and teeth three quarters of an inch long and claws that made military tactical knives look tiny. His fur was coated in blood. On the end of his claws was Susan. Life still in her eyes, screams turning into gurgling as blood filled her lungs.

Jack emptied his clip into the titan. Who dropped her to the floor and turned around. In a deep growling voice he challenged “ you are going to have to do a lot better than that boy. In the blink of an eye he jumped across the length of the room and brought down his claws with deadly ambition. Jack jumped back but not fast enough. He cried out as the blades tore through the flesh on his chest. Knocking him hard on his back. When Jack hit the ground he immediately felt the blood of the victims that had pooled on the floor. A twisted smile crossed Lycoan's beastly face. He opened his mouth as he got ready to tear out Jack's throat. Before he could make the killing blow a loud powerful voice boomed “ Stop right there Lycoan.”

Lycoan's blood ran cold as he saw who the words belonged to. He had expected to see Zeus but instead in the door way stood the Paladin. The first and greatest of all the knights. In fact the term “knight” comes from his appearance. No one has ever seem him out of his suit of golden plate mail armour.

Before Lycoan could do or say anything chains made of golden light shot out of the Paladin's hand and clasped onto the Titan's neck, legs and arms. Where the chains touched his body fire erupted.

“For the sins you have committed against the light of this world, I will punish you. Do you have any words in your defence?” Jack looked up from the floor to the Paladins helmet trying to see what was inside, but he could see nothing but a blinding light. “You cant kill me, if even one cell is left alive i will regenerate from it! You hold no power here Paladin.”

“Do you deny the murders you have committed tonight? Eight males and eleven females. Speak now or forever hold your peace.” Jack couldn't help but feel tiny next to this man. His very voice held power.

Lycoan stared at the man in golden armour and said nothing. “Then you accept your fate. I find you guilty and there for must hand out your punishment.” With out another word a giant beam of light engulfed the Titan. Completely blinding Jack. In his state of blindness he felt a warm hand touch him. As the hand touched him the wounds on his chest closed and sight returned to him. “ please save her. Please.” Jack said as tears streamed down his face. He whispered “ Please oh God save her.” The first knight to of walked the planet earth made his way across the room over to Susan who was on her last breath. He passed through the spot Lycoan had been standing, now the only thing left of the titan was a black singe mark on the floor. He knelt down and put a hand on her wound. Warm light started to fill the room. As the shadows in the room retreated to the corners. Susan's eyes bulged in her head. She looked to the paladin and started to cry.

“There, there my child. You are safe now.”

Within the two months that followed this event Susan filed for divorce. She had told Jack that she just wasn't feeling it any more, that they had both changed. However Jack knew this was a lie. He had walked in on her on the computer. Before she could close her browser Jack was able to see she was in a few different chat rooms with people all across the world who were in love with knights. Later that night he looked at her browser history while she was sleeping only to find sites dedicated to people being with Knights.

A cold hate had started to form in his heart for the knights, he had never realized how weak and meaningless he truly was before. Now as he stands looking at himself in the mirror he can’t help but think. “ So what if I can bench press two hundred and fifty pounds, there are knights out there who can bench mountains.” He had failed to save his wife, where someone else did it with ease.

There are thousands of knights in the world People who could kill millions with a single thought, beings who could snap Jack like a twig. This made him come to one realization, nothing he would ever do would ever truly mean anything. Knights and Titans had taken away his meaning.

Jack walked into his room which was down the hall from the bathroom and put on his best suit. With tears welling in his eyes he made his way to the living room, where he had tied a rope to a support beam in the ceiling. Before he stepped on the chair that stood beneath the noose he put a letter for his friends and family on the table. He climbed onto the chair and tightened the rope around his neck.

“F**k stop crying.” His voice was filled with anger, he felt guilty for crying. As if he didn't deserve to be sad that his life was about to end. To Jack with people like the Paladin and Zeus in this world he wasn't necessary , and there fore he shouldn't care about his own life.

With a deep breath in Jack kicked the chair out from under himself. As the weight of his body pulled the rope of the reaper down it grew tight around his neck. Before the rope could steal his life away the beam it was attached to snapped, dumping termites and rotten wood on Jack. His body hit the floor, and a part of the wooden beam landed on his head. Darkness enveloped him.

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

This has potential, some good unique themes. The setting could use a bit more ironing out, although I suppose further on chapters can do this. There are only 2 main issues I have with this. You need to work on the transitions more, and flesh them out better. Somehow the feelings of being deserted by his dear wife, and later with suicide seem to be afterthoughts. You got distracted trying to build a story, and forgot about pacing (Happens to us all, happened with me on my latest short story; had to do some drastic revisions). I would recommend developing the main part of this chapter more, expand the world a bit more, try and cut out time-jumps when not necessary, and just refine it as a whole. Save his interactions afterwards with his wife, and his final decision into a separate chapter, and also expound on them. Right now it just feels forced and superficial. Breath some life into his relationship, so you really feel the loss. Right now he just feels like someone who would off themselves after losing a basketball game; make it feel like he has truly lost something dear.
Next, this is mostly an editing problem on this site, but make the paragraphs more obvious, as it is, there are just massive walls of text which make reading difficult. Presentation as basic as this does matter, especially on here; few people are willing to read a novel written by an unpublished stranger, so anything you can do to improve those odds is worth it. I am genuinely interested in what happens next, but don't get too rushed on trying to get to 'the good part' that you neglect the important part, the intro that more people will read. Novels are not short stories, they are like a fine Port, they get better with time and gentle care. I brew my own wines, so I am all too used to having to wait over 2 years before I have even a sip from a batch. Just think of your story the same way, if it is a good idea, and you know it is a good idea, then it is worth taking that extra time to let it mature! If you don't find a story to be worth investing several years of your life to, then you should stick to short story until you get an idea that is.