~2~

                                               ~ 20 years later....~

                                                                                                                                          Sabella Thorton sat up in bed, air hissing through her teeth."Goddamn it!!" She slams her fists into the bedspread. The same dream, thought to herself. The same dream every night, for the past two weeks. She sighs, sitting up in bed. Images of a black-haired man kissing her forehead flashes through her mind.

She shakes her head, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. As she walks past her dresser she can't help but look up at the mirror."Ugh..." She moans to herself, talking note of the dark circles under her eyes, and the pale sheen to her skin."I look like hell warmed over..."

Going towards the adjourned bathroom, she jumped in the shower, making quick work of it. Afterwards, dressed in a pair of black dress pants and a tan colored knit top, she blew through the kitchen, grabbing a purse, and jacket off of the peg by the door.

Looking at the silver framed picture on the in-table, she kissed her lips, holding them to the frame."Ever and always Nonny." She silently holds her fingers to the grey haired women, posed in the picture. She smiles, a small sad smile, to herself."I made it Nonny. I finally made it." Her back a little straighter, she threw her jacket on, double checked everything, and walked out the door.

She never even noticed the dark haired man crouched on the railing on top of her roof.

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

Oh man. Okay. First, this is really too short to be chapter 2...which is a time in the book when you should be introducing settings and characters and painting scenes with your words that will make a reader want to turn the page. We have no clue, as readers, what you're talking about in this quote-unquote chapter. Not only that, you flip from present tense to past tense and back to present tense all in the same time frame, that is to say, the past tense action did not read as a flashback...pick a tense, and stick to it. Do you read many books? Because, and I'm not being funny when I say this, to be a successful writer, you need to follow a specific format. Read. And then read some more. And then maybe you could try to write a book of your own. Believe me when I tell you, I have been writing for over 30 years, so I sort of know a little bit about what I'm talking about here...Read read read. But always keep writing ;-) Never quit.

[silver threaded queen]

thank you I really appreciate the corrections... and I get what you mean about the beginning of the plot, introduction to characters and ect., I mainly do poetry, so to say this is a bit out of my realm, is an understatement... but I do a lot of competitive writing compensation, and I lost going to regionals by 7 points just because I had to write in a field that I wasn't familiar with... soooo I'm trying to... well experiment a little and perfect my writing a bit... so thanks again, your feedback was greatly appreciated!!!

[KAOlmsted]

My pleasure.

[Britt]

ohh, i wonder who that guy could be. Nice job so far. :)