1st Job Humor

I thought I buried it! I was wrong. I finished my beastly run tonight, crawled off the treadmill and dragged my body into the kitchen for a bottle of water when “The Smell” hit me. “The Smell” is something along the lines of rotting animal carcass baking in the sun and humidity of a Minnesota summer. Oh, add cat vomit and pig s**t to that and you have “The Smell”. I quickly looked around to try and vanquish “The Smell” and all I found was a plastic bag with something inside it sitting on the kitchen counter top, teasing me. My innate curiosity got the best of me. I open it up and BAM! “The Smell” b***h-slapped me in the face. I choked! I gagged! I coughed! My eyes watered. My nose ran. I gagged some more. We all know how much awful smells get to me. This was THE ABSOLUTE WORST thing I’ve ever smelled in my entire life. “What the f*ck is that?!” I quickly closed the bag again and looked over to Nathan who was rolling with laughter on the couch. “Yeah, thanks for that! Your mom put that in my truck this morning and asked me to pass it on. Guess what my entire truck smells like inside?! Your mother found it when cleaning out your old bedroom. Apparently you had stashed it someplace in your closet. Just by the smell she assumed it was a dead animal.” Anyone out there care to guess what “The Smell” actually was?! Drum roll please...when I was a teenager I had the pleasure of working at McDonald’s. Because my customer interaction skills were LESS THAN STELLAR I was asked to work in the grill area A LOT. By the end of each shift I was a nasty-a*s mess. “The Smell” was my McDonald’s hat, covered in pins, sweat, blood, tears and GREASE! The height of my McDonald’s career took place over Lent. Some of you may know this means FILET-O-FISH going through the fryers by the hundreds. Add ½ cup of tartar sauce to that and you’ve got pure wretchedness and “The Smell”. Thank you MOTHER! Just the sight of that stupid hat and I’m going to have nightmares for weeks. Oh and if I wasn’t working in the grill area I was cleaning “Play Place” which as EVERYONE knows is where the devil lives. Screaming kids and tiny places which make my claustrophobia go bat-s**t crazy �" not my idea of a good time.