Fourth Night

I just had to get this off my chest... pretty random.

Tonight marked the Fourth Night.

The fourth night that he has not spoken to me,

Or looked at me at all.

I left, thinking I could find something somewhere else.

I tried to call anyone,

But quickly realized that nobody could take away this loneliness in my soul.

I have friends.

I have a job.

I have an emptiness inside of my that only he can fill.

I drove aimlessly for a while.

Coming up on a truck full of guys,

I raced them-- my little Honda and their big truck.

And, for a moment I forgot this sorrow.

At least for those few minutes

I made them smile.

I stopped at McDonalds to get the food I vowed never to eat.

I shamefully force myself to eat this stuff they call food--

Processed, sickening, fake.

Now my stomach feels the way my heart does.

Indulged but not satisfied,

Full and unnourished.

So, as I sit and wonder when this will end,

You, dear reader, are my only hope,

Or at least, the prospect of you.

For your eyes to read my soul

Without judgment, critique, or solutions.

Be my reader and walk on this journey with me.

Maybe then this life will seem a little less hard.

Maybe then, as my unnoticed efforts are nothing in his mind,

They could be something to you.

Author's Note

This was somewhat of a free-write. I'm not sure I want to take it any further, or develop it anymore... but let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Mark Pearce]

I LOVE the way you suddenly turn and address the reader.

A nice move. It really forces us into the situation.

Your efforts are something.

[Michael X]

I like this this,the depth, ease and intrique work well in all subtlety but I have to disagree with this line
"I shamefully force myself to eat this stuff they call food--"...I dont know, McD's always satisfies the moment

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Your really captured how difficult night are during heartache, finding little things to satisfy a moment.. doing things you don't normally do but in the end it is no substitute for the lost love...

Now my stomach feels the way my heart does.
Indulged but not satisfied,

I really liked these lines, though of heartache this part was a bit humorous.

[Emily B]

I left home once with a bag and two babies. I was mad. I wanted him to notice I wasn't here when he got home. I didn't have anywhere to go. I stayed gone as long as I could. Took the babies to McDonald's. Sat at the park and watched the sun shine across the ripples on the lake.

Still got home before him. I don't know if he even knows I left that day. Strange the things we get in our minds. And that absolute need to share. :-)

[Nymphadora]

nice poem. you're 21 and probably, you're still struggling on of life's difficult conflict; intimacy vs. isolation. your poem suggests that you can be a little depressed. cheer up R. as a piece of advice, concentrate on what makes you happy rather than who makes you happy. i understand what you feel. such a poignant piece of literature.

[Carey Lenehan]

Empathy with your words. Macdonalds.... indulgent, but unsatisfying, that is so very profound and the comparison to a bad relationship is excellent. This is great, heartfelt and starkly, aptly, descriptive. Race more guys in trucks. It's worth the smile and as a reader I gotta tell you I loved this.