trapped in paradise

a flash fiction that is horror in nature

I pushed through the last tangled branches onto a small clearing. The sudden beauty hit as hard as a smack. A new tear welled and broke free of its deep blue cell to roll down my cheek and then to fall into free air. The sun and breeze came as a welcome relief from the overbearing and humid jungle. Laid before me the world turned into clear sky until the horizon met the sea in an endless mingling, a oneness consuming the world wholly.

Fifty feet underneath, the sound of waves crashing against jagged rocks. The sound was oddly relaxing with dense jungle behind and open air in front. The clearing had an isolated but safe aura, and a strangely homey and comfortable essence filled the space and then me.

What’s more, before me laid the perfectly fallen lodge. I sat and then leaned against it; the thick grass that blanketed THE ground slowly absorbed the aches of the long ordeal it had taken to get there. A slow and sleepy breath escaped my mouth followed by the words

“Paradise, pure paradise”.

Sleep gripped me, and then I was dreaming the sweetest dreams of playing, laughing, running, of being held and being fed. The dream was filled with people but two most of all with equal part similarities and differences to me.

Once I had woken, I found the sun setting over the ocean. By all rights, it should’ve lifted my spirits, a truly unique experience no other person has ever or will ever be in this spot to see the sunset.

But with the setting of the sun, the realization of the darkness dawned upon me that I was alone, truly alone. My first thought was to leave this place, but the jungle closed on one side, like a wall, impassable in the fading light in my eyes.

Panic had me in its teeth, shaking me left to right as the light faded further. I was frozen and it took long moments before my sense returned.

“Fire”. I said out loud to no one, for there was on one there, but just saying it aloud made me feel stronger. Just after the sun vanished and the moon had entered, a fire of my own was cracking and popping. It was then I noticed something strange. Spreading to the left and right of me laid at equal distance small lights, no fires, in a row.

The cool breeze that had so easily put me to sleep had turned rabid, pulling at my cloths, then cutting right through them. I turn to return to the safety of my fire.  It was then that I could hear a scream. I think… yes, there it is again, loud and shrill. Once more, it is to the left of me, and it filled me with pain and fear. I turn in time to see the fire furthest away from me gutter out. Panicking once again, I fill the night with shouts.

“Hello, is anybody there, please!”

I slump down and hunch over, hugging my legs whilst staring at my feet and the fire, I am too scared to look up or left again. Fear and confusion fills me, and I fall sideways, tucking into a ball, wishing this nightmare to end. I shut my eyes hoping this would be gone. However, when I opened them again, I realize that this is indeed, a reality. There were more screams, louder than the last time. I can’t move, I am paralyzed, stuck in my ball, but after a moment or two, the screams stop.

But then, worst of all, the trees began to move and rattle. I stand fast and as straight as an arrow, every hair I had was standing on ends. I can’t breathe. There is a pair of glowing red eyes, slicing downwards, burning bright, relentless and never blinking, but only shining in the dark. My vision is temporarily blurred as I feel hot tears falling freely down my face. Then just like that, he, or it, is gone. I fall to my knees and begin to wrench. The vain in my neck bulged and I could feel the blood rush to my face. Just a close call, I tell myself, just a close call, but nothing more.

Yet again I heard screaming, this time even louder than the last, but this time, words are coming in-between the horrifying sounds.

 “No please, not yet! God no, please, help! Help!”

It came rushed and scared to me, but I was helpless to help the silence.

I look over to see there is only one fire left, the fire on my left.

When it’s my turn I will not scream, but it will be me soon, I know without a doubt.

Once more, I hear the screaming, but this time, it is so loud that I have to cover my ears. It did no good, but amongst the pained crying and terrified screams, I hear to my horror, the tearing, ripping, crunching, and what sounded like bones breaking between teeth. Then the fire died and I know I am next.

Once more, the stirring in the bushes rustled again. Once more, the eyes return but this time, it pushed straight THROUGH the trees. Standing, I am ready to face whatever comes. What it is, is a tall thin creature, easily over 7 feet, its long lean body is mostly covered by a sheet of moth eaten fabric. But by what I can see, it resembles a man, but its arms are too long and its ankle joints too far up, giving the creature a slightly slanted GAIT. Both hands and feet clawed, its face remains covered by a hood, hiding the horror underneath.

My heart is gripped by SHEER terror as it sniffs at the air. My BOWELS turn to jelly and the monster’s contents slide slow and thick down my leg. The creature turns ponderously towards me, covering the small space to my fire in no time at all. The fire seemed to shrivel and die in its very present, but true to my word, I did not scream. I just turn and sprint until there is no more ground to sprint into. Now before me lay empty sky. If the choice is to be ripped into pieces or smashed against the rocks, I knew my choice. I jump and finally again, close my eyes. The nothingness of the sky embraces me wholly. As a lover, my last thought is freedom.  

Then a sharp, intense pain stabs through my left ankle. The creature had caught me in midair. This time I did scream as its claws punch THROUGH the bones of my ankle. It slowly begins to pull me up. As the blood ran down, mixing with the s**t, my heart burst. An end, but a painful one.

 the end 

Author's Note

this has been edited and much thanks to 1disawsum

Reviews

[Michelle Farren]

Your imagery in here is amazing! The way you described everything made chills go up my body as i easily imagined the situation as if it was happening to me. There was a few spelling errors though so you should go back and re read it and make sure that everything in the story makes sense. This was a really great story overall I'm impressed with your story writing abilities.

[izico]

thanks this was a first draft 1disawsum is helping me out wid the editing so there should be a better copy out sometime

[1Disawsum]

The start is amazing, great sense of imagery used there to capture the viewer's attention and make them read on. However, there are a few spelling errors throughout this story, correct them if you can please! Many sentences did not make sense, as you have left a few words out, so again, if you can/want/have time, fix them.
"The vain in my neck bulged..." 'vein' is spelt wrong! One example for you anyway :) and the start, "...pushed throw the last tangled..." 'through' is spelt wrong as well
This story had me gripped onto every last word like no other! Intense, terrifying, bliss. I loved it, but would be so much better and easier to read if there were no errors in your work. Of course, nobody can be perfect can they? :) just try, the story would have flowed perfectly for me if I could not spot any errors. Loved it, such a pleasure to read! It was the most intense drama short story I've ever read. What I loved the most about this was that it was a short story, i.e. no chapters. So you got to the point very quickly, and even managed to describe the settings clearly! I could immediately picture the surroundings and the atmosphere from the way you wrote them.
Also great use of simple but effective words. It did the job, be glad that you made this story so amazingly! All you need to correct are the grammatical mistakes, the actual story and plot is perfect. A massive congratulations to you!
I must say I do love the ending, "An end, and a painless one." My favourite line by far! Great ending, great way to finish your story. Very quick, and very good. Loved it! :D (my first rating aha I found it hard to rate... hope you don't mind!)

[keatsgb]

Very good story..I am also into flash fiction as a credible genre