My room

My favorite place is my room.

My room is a strong barrier

between me and the harsh outside world.

In my room theres no war,

no hate,

and no ones ever judged.

The air is filled with peace

and always a little warm.

It's easy to for me belive

that im in a different place

where no discrimanation 

or hate exsist.

A world where I'm valued

and not just another face in the crowd.

In my room theres always music playing

, food hidden somewhere,

and a grin on my face.

Yeah, my room is pretty awesome

:)

Author's Note

Your reviews are valued! :D<33333

Reviews

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

a pretty little portrait of your room, your safe haven...i think your room is pretty awesome too :)

[Jane Doe]

Yes veri true about the food and. Music lol
But as for no war
:D let's remember the moose fight?:) and you forgot to metion we sit on the roofie and chill :) lol
Xoxo -chill poem
~ur sisay
100/100

[Reverent]

While I see the idea, I feel almost disconnected by the execution.

I think that you could work on imagery, word-play, and format, three things that could help fill the potential for your writing.

"My favorite place in the whole wide world is my room"
There is a difference in being honest, comfortable and informal to being slang-ish, which is something that can turn a lot of people off from your writing.

The land of writing is like a fun, vibrant, imaginative place, to which I will compare to Disneyland.

When you begin writing, you choose to associate yourself with this 'Disneyland', where people expect clever twists and new perspectives and colorful metaphors.

I think when the reader buys a ticket for 'Disneyland' and instead gets a McDonalds Playhouse. While a bit enjoyable, not necessarily on the same level as Disneyland.

I am not saying that your writing is bad, on the contrary, I see potential for your writing, but a bit disappointed because I did not see it fulfilled.

I would suggest absorbing a lot of classical poetry, such as Shakespeare and Federico Garcia Lorca. I think that these will help buffer you with ways to use word-play and imagery.

Another important thing to keep in mind is format.
It is important to balance what the reader would like to see and your personal vision.

I would drop the smiley faces and format it like a classical poem, at least for starters.

"My favorite place
in the whole wide world
is my room.

My room is a strong
barrier between me
and the harsh world.

In my room
theres no war,
no hate,
and no ones
ever judged.

The air
in my room
is filled with peace
and always a little warm."

And etc.

Now I don't know if you are one of those 'Just write for fun' people, but I think that things like imagery and wordplay can turn you into a Weapon of Literature that can be 'fun', but also a sense of classiness and beauty at the foundation of that.

I hope that I wasn't too harsh, I sincerely do wish for you to excel as a writer.

[Larrycall]

my life