Chapter one

"Bailey, Bailey wake up" said a strong and attractive voice.I opened my eyes to a tall and hansome boy.He had a baby blue shirt on and black jeans.His short black hair and green eyes made him look like perfection.I loved his thick eye brows and innocint smile.I sat up and said "Well, since im already awake I might as well study" but Lucifer grabed it first and stuck it under his perfect butt."You look like you could sleep through the rest of the week" he said examining the bags under my eyes."I'm totally fine, I just need to study so that I don't fail history and have to be tuterd by you" I said as Luna, my cat ,moved from sleeping at my feet to sleeping on my pillow."Im not going to bed until you give me my book" I said stubornly while he gently pushed me back so that I was laying down.Then I noticed he left my text book on the chair he was siting in and I thought of a idea.So I told him I wouldn't go to sleep until the light is turned off (which is on the other side of the room) and while he stood up I grabed the book ,opened it up ,and starting reading."Bailey, your going to pass out and drool all over the book" Lucifer said holding his waiting hand out in ront of me.I reglentintly handed him the book and I layed there with my arms crossed for a total of two minutes before going to sleep.Not to long after I felt a strong arm lay on my left hip and someone kiss my neck.I smiled and turned to face my angel so that I could look into those beautiful eyes that were so familiar. "I love you" I said smiling the best I could, as tired as I was."I love you ,too" he said before I pressed my forehead under his chin and right before I fell asleep I heard him whisper "your not going to sleep at all".

Reviews

[James Watts]

Again the thing I noticed is structure. When two or more characters are speaking, start a new paragraph when changing speakers.

"I love you ,too"("I love you ,too," when ending a passage of dialogue, some form of punctuation is needed, rather it be a , or ! or ?)

A few grammar issues and structure. It is a little confusing to read. I would also try giving us more depth of character and imagery as well as some length. My advice is read books by various authors of this genre and study over the sections in your grammar text books that relate to prose. We all make mistakes so don't get turned off by this review. I still make them and probably have several in what I have posted. And even after I do my final drafts and edits, there will be an editor who will find everything I missed and point them out to me. Writing is work, as much as it is fun. Just work har and learn the craft and you will be fine.