Flying

books affecting...

You wait for the truth,
I write the lies in your color.
I am free of you,
I am what you wanted me to be.

I am a bird whose unchained,
soaring farther through the seas.
There is no pain within me,
there is little to cry about.

You expect my friendship,
I expect changes.
Yet there is no change,
there's only you and me.

I ask myself when ever will I be free,
the answer comes...
I will never be.
When you've fallen,
how can you be?

Author's Note

Shatter me :)

Reviews

[-]

Nice! :) Basically, the thematic underpinnings of this poem seems (at least personally) to cry the futility of the temptation/redemption dichotomy. The bird and the anaphore of "there is... there is..." subsequent to its personified imagery speak of the great temptation of freedom. The poem then subtly, and inevitably turns to the futility of redemption; how 'there is no change', and 'I will never be'.
And to be critical, I'm uncertain whether you wished this to be romantic, "there's only you and me"? If so, that could be played up a touch.
Thanks for your words,
Josh.

[Lyn Anderson]

I don't want to shatter you, what is great about this poem is its flow and effective rhyme. I personally am not so keen on the brilliant small green font. Hard on the eyes. And one thing in terms of grammar: "I am a bird whose unchained" should be who's or who is.

[jasonguinn789]

I liked it. The last part was my favorite. I liked the ryhme and the image of being trapped in a relationship.

I was a little confused about the bird line and then in the next you seem to describe swimming? Is the bird a duck? Maybe I read it wrong, but I thought the descriptions didn't gel well.

Other than that, I enjoyed it.

[wrote.here]

thanks and i don't know why just felt right to add the bird lol