Boat

After 2 years of suffering through terrible, needy, rude, filthy Walmart customers, I finally saved up enough to head out! I don't want to stay in civilized New York anymore. I want to head out and see the world! A couple of years ago my rich uncle bought me a canon camera. It was then that I realized my love of photography. Id take pictures of everything. Even the stupidest things like ants, or leafs. What  “cliche” photographers would call “art”. But like I said New York is boring. America is boring. 

I made a deal with my father when I got the job at Walmart. I wasn't doing well in school. Not that Im stupid or anything, Im actually very smart, I just hated school. I went so hard throughout elementary, middle, and high school, that when I got to college I deflated and pooped out. I was over straight A’s, and doing assignments on time. I stopped going to my classes. I spent my days at home watching documentaries and nature videos wishing I could be that adventurer! I would love to wear khakis and climb through a rainforest with a camera man behind me and say “Crikey!” every two seconds. 

I told my father I wanted to travel. He took it as another passing faze I was going through. We made a deal. If I wasn't going to finish school, then I had to get a job if I was going to keep living at home. I refined that deal. If I saved up several thousand dollars, the old man had to pay for my plane ticket on my first trip. Here I am with $7,400 in my backpack and a plane ticket to Mexico from daddy. I definitely made more than that in my two years at Walmart, but between New York State taxes, a phone bill, and helping Pops out with bills at home, thats what I could save. My trip is only for two weeks. More like a vacation than an adventure. My father was more worried about me going alone than anything but Im 22, what can he say? 

I leave tomorrow and still have yet to pack. I refuse to bring more than one suitcase. I pull out the forest green medium sized suitcase from my closet. I pack two pairs of combat boots. A black pair and green pair. I throw in some Toms, and one pair of sandals. Im rather skinny so my clothes don't take up much room. I pack several pairs of jean shorts, and a couple of tank tops. A picture of my legs getting bitten up by bugs flashes through my head so I go in my closet and grab several pants and cardigans. I throw in my green rain jacket and I think Im done. My favorite color is obviously green. I check myself out in my dresser mirror. I decided to chop off all my hair so I have a brown brush cut going on. No need to pack hair supplies because I don’t have any. Its June and its hot. If its hot up here then its going to be scorching down in Mexico so theres no way Im packing any makeup. I lean into the mirror and pick off a stray eyelash hanging below my hazel eyes. I don't think Id be pretty if it wasn't for my eyes. Im tall, at a height of five foot ten, skinny, lanky or so the kids call me. My skin is tan like caramel, my face long, no b***s or butt. Yup. The eyes are all I have going for me. Thanks dad for your wonderful traits. My cat Tinsey is laying right on my hamper, blinking and staring at me. I coo her and then throw my pair of black parachute capris and a tan cami for tomorrow right on top of her. I know she swears at me in cat language as she shakes the clothes off of her and moves over to my bed. I join her and go to sleep. Plane is at 4am. 

Was so excited that I barely slept. I wake up. Throw on my clothes. I put on the black stone turtle necklace my grandmother bought me a year ago and put some studs in my ears. My father drops me of at the airport. Before we get out the car he hands me a little grey knife. “In case someone tries to kidnap you. I hear they're pretty creepy down there in Mexico.” He says. I laugh at him. “Don't worry dad. I wont end up on the Mexican sex slave trade.” He grimaces. He grabs my suitcase from the trunk and I grab my backpack which contains my camera and some tourists magazines for Mexico. We take my suitcase where it needs to go and we walk towards my gate. My dads so slow, Im too excited to get on this plane and leave. We stop at the gate. He gives me a huge bear hug and a kiss on the forehead. “Don’t get kidnapped and call me everynight.” He says as I wave, walk away, and hand the attendant my boarding pass. 

My flight is only five hours. Thank goodness there were no crying babies or people snoring on the plane ride. Across the aisle in the next seat there is a blind woman with a service dog. The dog is a golden lab, and it stares at me the whole ride. I do love animals but when they stare at you nonstop its a bit creepy. I turn on my ipod and decide to take a nap. I refuse to have a staring contest with this animal. Not like Id win anyways. When I wake up we are preparing to land in Mexico City International Airport. I strap on my seatbelt as we land and wait for the ding of the unbuckle alert. The blind woman is sleeping and her dog stands up and walks over to me. I look at it while it sniffs me, then it saunters back over and lays by her feet again. 

Once I get off the plane I breathe in the air. Smells different in Mexico! I hail a taxi and show them the papers I printed out with the address of my hotel. Once in my hotel I spread out the magazines I have about Mexico and the papers I printed of tourist attractions. I only plan on staying in Mexico City for four days then Im going to Acapulco for the remainder of my trip. I want to be near the beach! Its noon time right now so I decide to take a walk. I walk down the street. My father made sure I got a hotel in the heart of the city. I stop at a restaurant and get this food called Tlayuda, which is a pizza-like meal. It was delicious. I finish my food and head back out. I don't want to be out too long tonight because I do need to rest up after the trip. I smile at locals and tourist passing by. And I make my way back to my hotel. 

Over the next couple of days I make my way to several attractions such as The National Museum of Anthropology, The National Palace, and the Chapultepec Zoo. I take plenty of pictures. My favorite animal at the zoo was the tiger. Mainly because as I stopped to take a picture of the tigers, one who was laying down got up and walked over as I approached. First it came over to the glass and sniffed. I took a picture of it’s giant face. Then he put one huge paw on the glass. It stayed there for a couple of seconds, so I put my hand to the glass. The tiger opened his mouth. Then it put its other paw on the glass. Almost standing up. Well this ones a boy. I dropped my camera around my neck.  And put both my hands on the glass. The tiger opened his mouth as if to smile. If tigers can smile. I was having fun and realized other tourists stopped to watch. Some taking pictures. I moved my hands down the glass. the tiger followed. I reach my hands as high as I could. The tiger did the same. But he stood so much taller than I. A shiver ran down my spine. If there was no glass between us, he would dwarf me and knock me down so easily. He must’ve gotten bored, because he went back on all fours, sniffed at the glass again, then went over to lay down. I spotted one of the tourist who I saw taking pictures with their phone. I walked over and asked if they would mind sending me the photos. They kindly agreed and I gave them my contact information. My father would love this. 

In Mexico City I took a taxi everywhere. Going to Acapulco I reserved a rental car. I leave early in the morning and check into the Holiday Inn Acapulco by 11 am.  I unpack my things and throw on some shorts, a tank top and some sunglasses. The hotel is right on the beach so I put on my sandals so I can take them off just as easily. Apparently this is the spot to vacation because as I walk along the beach I see so many Americans. I take a couple of pictures of tourists, the waters, the people parasailing on the water. I walk further down the beach. Im getting a headache. Must be the heat. I don’t know why I didn't bring any hats, I keep forgetting that Im bald. I stop at a vender near the beach and buy a sunhat. Perfect. I also buy a smoothie and keep it moving. As I get further down the beach I see docks and some boats. I walk over. Most boats are for parasailing, jet skis, and personal boats. I stop in front of one private boat where I see two men doing work. Looks like they’re unloading something. I watch for a minute. 

“Beautiful day huh?” An older man getting off the boat with a basket says. 

“It is.” I say, taking off my sun glasses and squinting. “What do you do? Are you here for tourists?”

He drops the basket in front of me. “I go out to the ocean and fish.”  He opens the top for me. Eew. Flopping around are wet, slimy, grey fish. I make a face. 

“You are not into fish? Do you eat fish?” He asks me with an amused look on his tan face. 

“I eat fish but not when its slimy and raw. Needless to say sushi is a no-go for me” I say sticking my tongue out and making a silly face. The man chuckles at me. “Do you see bigger animals out there? Like sharks and whales and dolphins? I ask.

“Ya! All the time. Eatin’ up my fish. I see sting rays too. Would you like to see?” He asks me. Hands on his hip, looking at me with a smile. 

“Yes Id love to!”

“Tomorrow then, my son and I, we will take you out to the sea with us. Private boat tour is $400, but Ill only charge you $250 because your a gorgeous gal.” I look behind him for the first time. A tall white male is leaning on the deck of the boat watching us with a bored look on his face. He has long blonde hair pulled back in a bun. Beautiful large chocolate brown eyes. He gives me a simple wave. I wave back. It is for the first time I really look at the man in front of me. I automatically thought he was Mexican, but really looking at him I realize he is just a really tan white man. Almost the same height as myself. He has shaggy dirty blonde hair himself, the length of his ears, and has dark blue eyes. He sticks his hand out to shake.

“My name is Walt. “

“Dina.”

“My son back there is Will. We will see you tomorrow at five.” He picks his basket back up. 

“Five?! As in five pm right? I asked befuddled. 

“No. Five am. We need to be out there early so there are not other boats and tourist out scaring the fish and animals.” He says to me with an amused look on his face. 

“Um, ok. See you then I guess.” Im an early bird but not that early. I give his son, Will, a final wave and I head off. 

I drag myself out of the comfort of this giant hotel bed. Too early. I should've declined the offer for a private boat excursion. Not only is it too early for me to function, but going on a boat ride with total strangers out in the middle of the ocean where they could throw me overboard, or kill me, or rape me. Oh gosh what have I gotten myself into. But the man was so kind and he didn't seem like a bad person. Probably used to tourist… And taking their money. Psht. I shower, and throw on black parachute capris, a tan cami, and a large sheer white button down to keep me from getting sunburned. I may be black but Im so light skinned Ill cook up in a second. I find my black Toms, the most comfortable shoes in the world, my glasses and my backpack for my camera. I walk out then walk back into my room and grab the knife my father gave me. Ya never know.

Walking towards the boat Im glad to see that its not a rusty old boat like I see in the movies. Where a private boat is all old with half the name sign is falling off, but its the owners baby and they don’t want to get rid of it, blah blah blah. Its not a huge boat. It has a small cabin, and a ladder on top that leads to some type of sitting station. On the side it says Mariane. I’m going to assume its the mothers name. So I’m also going to assume that the mother is no longer here. I just get that vibe considering how its a man and his son here working on this boat, but no woman. Im going to ask Walt later. I walk up the dock and Walt waves at me from the boat. His son is handing him some large coolers and ropes. 

“You look wide awake.” He says to me as I lift my sunglasses and place them on top of my head to squint at him. “Yea.” I snort. He gives me a hand and helps me onto the boat. “Nice boat. Mariane?” I ask and point towards the side. 

“Yea. That’s my late wife's name. Will’s mother. Beautiful woman she was.” He says to me with a smile. I knew it. I should be a detective. I hand him the $250, and he takes it with a smile. “You can put your bag down here darling.” He opens a door in the helm that leads to the cabin below. Not too shabby. I put my bag on a bed and take my camera out. Attach my lens and head back up top. “Do you require a life vest doll? If you do their down in the cabin” He tells me. 

“No I don’t need one.” I take a couple of test shots of Walt in the helm. I climb to the front of the boat, and take some more shots. I sit and see Will bringing another cooler onto the deck, so I raise my camera and take a shot of him. I look at the photo. Gosh he is so handsome. He’s wearing cargo shorts, dark green boots, and a grey tank top. Oh my goodness those arm muscles, and that chest. I smile to myself and look up to see Will staring at me in amusement. “Like what you see?” He yells to me. Oh gosh how embarrassing. I smile and get up. I hop back off the boat so I can take some shots of the whole thing. 

When they're ready to leave its about 5:40, and Will gives me a hand back on the “Mariane”. Most of the day theres nothing but open water. I took a couple pictures but blue ocean water pretty much looks the same. I sit on the deck just looking through my camera. Walt makes small talk with me, and gives me here and theres about where we are, but it all looks the same to me and he’s mostly focused on steering the boat. As Im sitting here I get really hot. And Ive got a headache. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. Next I feel a person sit next to me and I look to see Will taking a seat. He hands me a water bottle. “Thanks.” I say with a smile. “needed this.” He looks at the top of my head, then goes down to the cabin and comes back with a tan boat hat. 

“You must have a headache with no hair on your head and the sun beating down like this.” He says to me. 

“I do actually. Don’t know why I keep forgetting a hat. I just don’t think every day how dangerous the sun can be.” 

“Have you always been bald?” He asks me staring at my head again. He reaches up a hand and rubs my fuzz. 

“Ha ha. No. Maybe thats why I keep forgetting a hat. Im used to hair on my head. I just wanted to try something new so I chopped it all off.” I smile at him. He has huge hands. You know what they say about guys with big hands. 

“Since you ask why Im bald, why do you grow out your hair so long?” I ask him. 

“It looks cool don’t ya think?”

“You look like a hippy. Are you a hippy?” I joke with him. 

“I might be.” He grins, shakes his messy blonde hair out then throws it back in a messy bun. Its so frizzy one would think that it would start dreading soon. Will asks me about my home, and work and life. He tells me about his. Apparently his mother passed away when he was 17. Her being the one who was adamant about him going to college but that was something he just didn't want to do. So him and his father used his college money to buy this here Mariane, his father quit his wonderful job at the bank, and they both moved to Mexico and took up fishing. 

“So I guess we both have a taste for adventure.” He says to me. 

“I guess we do. Thats cool.” 

“Here we go!” Walt yells as he slows the boat down. He points to his right. Will gets up and lends me a hand. I stumble at first. I don’t have what they call “sea legs”. We both walk over to the side. At first I cant see anything.  But Will points to something and I look very close. Oh my gosh I see a fin! Im getting excited. I pick up and turn on my camera to take a picture but I lose the fin. I lower my camera with a disappointed look on my face. But I hear Will giggle. I look at him and see him looking back at me with one arm down in the water. I lean over and see him touching the backside of a dolphin! I smile and reach my hand down too. As I touch this dolphin another jumps out of the water about twelve feet away. And another but this one closer to us and I get sprayed with water. I laugh. This might be the best thing ever. The dolphin whose back I was touching pokes his nose out of the water. Then two more next to him. All making wonderful noises. 

“They travel in groups. Some of the most social animals on earth.” Will says to me. His arms are bent resting on the side looking at me. Watching me enjoy the dolphins. I don’t look back at him but I can feel myself blushing. One Dolphin opens his mouth and I see his many cone shaped teeth. I put my hand out and he reaches up with his nose. I stroke his blue-gray skin. So smooth. He makes a pleasant noise and swims backwards away from me. The first dolphin Will was petting swims over and jumps up. I notice he has a dark grey mark on the white part of his lower jaw. Right below his teeth. Kind of shaped like a clam. Clam shaped birthmark. Do dolphins have birthmarks? He beckons as if he wants me to touch him so I reach my hand out. He swims back a little making playful high pitched noises. 

I put one hand on the railing and reach my other hand out further.

“I.. dont think thats a good Idea Dina.” As Will says that to me another dolphin jumps out the water right beneath me, using his nose to strike me in the chest and under my chin, and knocks me over the boats edge. I get slapped with a face full of warm water going down. I struggle to the top panicking. I come up coughing and spluttering. My nose burns from the water that rushed inside. I wipe my eyes and see fins and tails all around me. I look up and see Will running looking for a rope. Walt yells to me, “Keep very still darling, these are wild dolphins.” He yells at Will to hurry up. Behind me I hear a high pitched dolphin noise. I turn around kicking my legs under the water, keeping my head above. The dolphin with the clam mark nudges my back. I turn around again. Another swims underneath my feet. Clam face circles me, then swims away and disappears. Four seconds later I see a fin swimming at me from the right too fast. I yell and reach for the boat when over my head jumps the dolphin. I float here in wonder. Oh my gosh. Will throws the rope over the side. I reach to grab it but clam face is on my left. He bobs his head and makes a bubbly noise. Looking at me from the side with his eye. I take my hand away from the rope and stroke his side. Another dolphin comes up underneath my butt and pushes me towards the boat. Will and Walt reach down and pull me up.

“Well Ive never seen that in my life.” Walt says taking my chin and looking at my face, searching for where the first dolphin hit me. “They were playing with you.” I take off my white shirt and ring it out. Still in amazement at what just happened. Will takes my hand and touches my back. He nudges my lower back… “Does that hurt?”

“No.” I say.

“What about here?” He asks nudging my spine.

“No, should it?” He touches my ribs and I choke on a gasp and blush.

“I saw the dolphin hit you in the back. Dolphins can break bones… ribs easily.”

“He didn't hit me that hard. It was like… a little bump.” I smile. I look over the side and see clam face and his friends are still there swimming and jumping out of the water making noises. 

“Your all wet.” Will observes. 

“Oh gee… I wonder why.” I say and smile at him. “I packed some shorts Ill go change.” I walk down into the cabin and Will follows me. “Uum…”

“Im just grabbing you a shirt. You said you only packed extra shorts.” He reaches into a drawer and throws me a white tee. “Its a medium in mens but it should do until your clothes dry.” He heads back on deck while I change. I blush as I pull my tank top over my head. That is one fine boy. I bring my clothes up with me and lay them in the sun and put my shoes over them so they can all dry and wont blow away. Walt is back to steering the boat humming some tune to himself and Will is reaching in a cooler. 

“We have turkey and ham…”

I stare at him in a straight face and after twelve seconds of me not answering Will looks back and raises his eyebrows. 

“Im a vegetarian…”

“Oh…” We stare at each other in awkward silence for a good minute.

“Just kidding.” I take the turkey out of his hand and take a bite of it while taking a seat. He laughs and grabs himself a sandwich and two bottles of soda with Spanish words on them. He hands me the orange one. 

“I still cant believe what happened. Dolphins are cool an’ all but those are some scary creatures. They didn't hurt you at all?”

“No, guess Im just good with animals.” I say and smile at him. He rubs my bald head and reaches for the hat that must’ve blown off earlier when I was enjoying the dolphins. He places it on top of my head. I choke on my sandwich. Im such a loser. 

“What are you doing for the rest of your vacation?”

“Adventure.” I correct him.

“Ok..adventure.” He smiles and takes a sip of his drink. 

“I don’t know. Go back to my hotel room and look up some more tourist attractions for around here.” By now its about four and we’re heading back to shore. 

“There will be bonfires tonight. For tourists, and shows. People throwing fire and playing music on the beach.”

“Ok?…” I try to hold my smile and I don’t look at him. I stare at the last corner of my sandwich.

“Would you like to go?” He asks. 

“Is it a date?” I bat my eyes and give him my most flirtatious look.

“Well I don’t think my girlfriend would like that. Call it me being nice.”

“Oh! umm..” I clear my throat and turn completely red. Did I tan today? I wonder if Im dark enough to cover my blush. Ive always been awkward. Never knew how to flirt and I always say the wrong things at the wrong moments.

He nudges me with his elbow and whispers in my ear, “Im kidding its a date.” Will smells like burnt skin and salt water. But he smells good at the same time, fresh. I look up to see his father looking over his shoulder at us, shaking his head and chuckling to himself. I wonder if Will does this with all the girls they take on private excursions. Maybe he’s a lady’s man. He is a real smooth talker. I shake the thoughts out of my head. Will seems like a nice guy and Im excited to go out with him later. 

Because of the heat and beating sun, my clothes dried by the time we were done eating. I scoop them up and head down to the cabin to change. I come back up remembering my camera and look for it. 

“Here you go doll. I played with your camera while you were messing with those beasts. Got a couple of shots of you. I tried photography for a quick minute back in my day. And when you take constant tourist out, ya learn how to use the camera when they want group pics.” He says proudly of himself and picks my camera up off the seat behind him with one hand, other hand still on the wheel.

“Thank you so much.” I grab my camera and head back over to sit next to Will. I turn it on and start scrolling through the pics. Walt wasn't lying. They actually were pretty good. Better than me sadly. I smile at one picture of Will and I, faces close, reaching out our hands towards Clam Face. You can tell his mouth is in the shape of talking to me and I have an expression of amazement on my face. 

“I like that one.” Will’s leaning over my shoulder with one arm behind me looking at my camera. Some of his wild blonde hair escaped his bun and is tickling the side of my face but I kinda like it. I hand him the camera so he can look through the photos and I lean my head back and move the hat further over my eyes. We have a while till we get back. 

I wake up to Will and Walt quietly speaking to each other staring at the water through the window at the helm. Will is considerably taller than his father. If his father is my height… Will has to be about six foot four Im guessing. Walt points his finger towards the east and curses under his breath. I look up wondering what they're talking about. The sky is clear except for a few light gray clouds far out behind us. The boat rocks a little. The dolphins are nowhere in sight. I know they don't want to stay next to a boat all day but it was cool to see them for the first time in my life. Something Ill definitely remember. The boat rocks again. A little more violently than last time. I try to stand up and snap my hand up to hold the hat in place as the wind tries to knock it off my head. I grunt and Will turns around and takes a step towards me and helps me sit behind his father at the wheel. “Whats going on?” His father looks a little stressed out and Will forces a smile. 

“Nothing. We just went out a little farther than we thought we did today.” I look at his hand which is holding the back of the seat I'm sitting on. His grip is tight, knuckles turning white. I look back up at his face as he stares out at the ocean with his father. I stay quiet not wanting to stress Walt out anymore than he needs to be. It’s a beautiful day and Im enjoying both of their company. So what if it takes us a little bit longer to get home. I turn around and look towards the back of the boat. The light gray clouds that were far out a minute ago look closer… and darker. The boat rocks again. I look at Will. He looks down at me and smiles reassuringly. “Its getting late and a little windy.” He taps my hip and I scoot over. He hands me my camera. I take it and give his blonde bun a little shake. He smiles at me. 

As if you sprayed water over a plate in the sink when washing dishes, thats what it felt like when rain ran right over us. It started with me hearing water pouring down from the back of the boat moving fast towards the front inch by inch. I look up not realizing how dark it had gotten. The sky, a dark gray with orange from the disappearing sun to the north of us. The boat rocked violently. Walt cursed. Will wrapped his arm around me and led me down inside the cabin. “We’re going to be ok right? Its just a little rain?” Will ran back up top to help his father. I sit on the bed and take apart my camera. I hear a bump on deck. They’re moving stuff maybe? I grab my pack and put my camera inside its case. I put the case inside of a waterproof bag I bought and I zip up my backpack. I go to put my bag under the bunk when the boat lurches violently and I fall forward knocking my forehead against the wall just barely catching myself with my hands. I hear another bump and something roll up top. I open the door to the cabin. Walt is swearing, Will is trying to tie equipment down, and behind Will is a dark gray wave twenty stories high creeping towards us. I try to yell for Will but my voice is carried away in the wind. In a split second I run out, one hand on a pole the other just grabbing onto the back of Wills shirt. Then a dark cold blanket falls over us. 

My chest burns. Im rolling. It feels how it used to when I would climb a huge hill as a kid, then roll down. But there are no hard rocks scraping my elbows, and no itchy grass sticking to my hair and clothes. But as I'm rolling I do see dark, then sky, then darkness, and the sky again. Eventually I stop rolling and theres only a burning in my chest. I come to and realize Im surrounded by water. I panic and reach upwards. After several awful seconds I break the surface but Im smacked again with another dark wave. I just barely took a breath. Im underneath again, choking on salt water. I make it to the surface again. I try to make a sound but as soon as I open my mouth water rushes in. Ive swallowed too much, my arms and legs hurt, like pins and needles are sticking everywhere. Im am so tired as if that one wave took every ounce of energy I had. I face my head upwards and try to float. Coughing out everything I possibly can. At first I thought I was looking towards the sky but the sky is so dark, and its getting closer. Those aren't clouds, thats foam. And I'm under again. Im too tired. I flail my arms and legs but Im getting slower. I see shadows above me. Maybe if I don't struggle it’ll be easy. I spread my arms out as I sink. Something slick and smooth moves beneath my right hand. The last time I open my eyes I see a clam.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

As you understand I am not a good judge of structure and I leave that to the bigger brains. But as a reader the idea, focus and story hold me and have me waiting to find out what happened. Excellent work.

[venus]

Thank you very much! For my first book I am receiving good reviews and that excites me. I definitely will work on perfecting it. Glad my story has captured your attention!

[luvs2write]

I'm back, and you didn't fail to entertaine me. =) That's a giant compliment coming from me; I'm a very picky reader....well, maybe picky isn't the right word. ADD reader? Is there such a thing? Anyway, my point is I like it. I have a few suggestions that I'm going to make, but again, they're just suggestions.
Okay, so first off...in the beginning of your story you have a lot of monotonous (that's not the word that I'm looking for, but it's as close as I can get) sentences. Here's a little example of what I mean. You say "I leave tomorrow and still have yet to pack. I refuse to bring more than one suitcase. I pull out the forest green medium sized suitcase from my closet. I pack two pairs of combat boots. A black pair and green pair. I throw in some Toms, and one pair of sandals. Im rather skinny so my clothes don't take up much room. I pack several pairs of jean shorts, and a couple of tank tops." To get rid of that "monotonous" tone, try using different sentence lengths and structures. It might also help if you add in a few things, like instead of "I did this and that" you could be like "I sighed while I did this and that". Here's kind of an example from what I took out of your chapter " Sighing, I realize that I leave tomorrow and still have yet to pack. Refusing to bring more than one suitcase, I pull out a medium suitcase from my closet. I'm pretty thin, so my clothes don't take up much room. I throw in some shoes, jean shorts, and a couple of tank tops."
It's basically the same wording, just different sentence lengths to make your words flow. It might get a little old for the reader if you start off every sentence with "I did this". Also (and this could totally just be me) you might want to REALLY ask yourself if every detail is important. Like, does it REALLY matter what color of shoes she is packing? I just kind of felt like a few things were out of place, for example when you said "Obviously, green is my favorite color." Just make sure that everything you say is going to connect to something else. If it's just a stand alone sentence that doesn't really affect the story, you might want to consider not saying it.
I noticed a few minor grammar problems, but everybody has those. That's the point of editing. =) Yeah...I think that's about all for this chapter. Again, I really liked it. Keep it up!!

[venus]

thank you! the constructive criticism really helps. It definitely takes more than one read through to adjust and make a story perfect. Im going to work on it! =]