Awake

I open my eyes. Gosh! I have a headache. I cant see. There’s too much sun. Where am I? I lay here for about 5 minutes, squinting while my eyes adjust to the sun. My throat is dry, tongues dry and swollen. I try to flop it around a bit inside my mouth to get some saliva on it.  I can finally make out the sky. Clear, theres a cloud rolling by that looks like a dragon head. Two sharp teeth and a snout. I turn my head to the right. Sand and water. I calmly sit up. Sand? Am I back on shore in Mexico? I don't see any huts or shops. I look out towards the ocean. I don't see any boats. Where is everyone? My head pounds and I lay my head in my two hands. Why am I waking up on a beach? 

I sit like this for several more minutes trying to get my thoughts together but all I feel is a pounding headache. I finally look up and to my right. More sand. There are trees behind me. A whole forest of them. Still no shacks or signs of people. I slowly stand up and stretch my legs. I trip on the sand. “F**k!” I mutter. I regain my balance and stumble towards the water. The waves are slowly moving up and down. The water is chilly but a little warm at the same time. Not freezing. I splash my face with the foamy water and cup my hands to take a drink…

“Don't drink that you’ll make yourself dehydrated.” I turn and see a man jogging towards me with a hat on his head. “Ocean water is salt water, it’ll dehydrate you don't you know that?” He says to me with a grim smirk on his face.  

“I uh, I did know that I just wasn't thinking.” I mumble. 

“Sure.” he says. He lends out his hand and helps me up. “Glad to see your finally up Dina.” It takes a second for me to register, but slowly I remember his name is Will. I feel so groggy. He looks at me, then my head, then takes off the boat hat he was wearing and puts it on top of my head. “Your gonna get sun sick without your head covered.” He says to me then takes my lower right arm and leads me back up the beach. I touch the hat with my left hand. A couple months ago I decided to shave my head and rock the basically bald cut. Smooth brush cut on top. He’s right. I have no hair to protect my head and could definitely get sun sick. 

“Will, why did we come back to shore? Did I get sea sick or something?” He leads me to the tree line without saying anything and helps me sit back down. He runs off into the trees without a word. I guess he doesn't feel like talking. Again with the pounding headache so I lay my head back in my hands. Two minutes later he comes back with a crushed water bottle. He hands it to me. “Here this should help with your headache.”  I stare at it for a minute then take it. 

“We didn't come back to shore, we crashed.” He says. I choke on the water. “Crash?!. You mean like the boat is gone?! Aren't we still in Mexico?” I panic. He somberly stares at me. “No Dina, we’re not in Mexico anymore.”

Reviews

[luvs2write]

First off, way to start a book! It's so important that the first chapter of a book is action packed, and I love how you jumped right into the story. Immediately after reading the first chapter, I want to know more! I'm excited to find out what's going on. Great job capturing your reader's attention.
I'm also kind of excited because it's in first person. I feel like first person really helps the reader connect with the characters...is that just me? Anyway, sense I'm already chattering on about first person, there were a few things that I wanted to suggest. First, when you're writing in first person and your character is thinking something, you might want to italicize it. For example (I have to caps it, stupid thing won't let me italicize) in your first sentence you have it as "I can't see. There's too much sun. Where am I?" It might be a little less confusing if you put it as "I can't see. There's too much sun. WHERE AM I?" This could totally just be my personal preferance though. Again, sorry for the caps thing. It looks like I'm yelling, but I promise I'm not. =)
I was a little confused at one point. When you say "I calmly sit up." But then Dina starts asking all of these questions and I start reading faster and faster like "OH MY GOSH WHAT IS GOING ON"...but then it says she is calm. Did I completely miss something? Not too sure.
Okay, one last thing and then I'll shut up. =P Something that I'm kind of trying (and probably failing) to do is when I write instead of saying something like "I panic" or "I get angry" is to describe what it actually feels like. So instead of just saying those normal "feeling" words, try to show how your character is feeling through actions. Like...(just an example) instead of "I panic" you could say "I breathe heavy, running my fingers through my hair. This doesn't make sense. What's going on?" Or something along those lines...
So yeah. I think that's about all I have to say other than this is way cool and I love it!! Keep writing. =D

[venus]

Thank you so much for first of all being my first review. It may sound crazy but your review made me emotional as I am not an emotional person and can only express my feelings through my writing. I feel good about my work after reading your review and wrote down your suggestions in my handy pad so I can make adjustments. Thank you so much!

[luvs2write]

You're welcome.=) It's not crazy, when my book got its first review I was grinning like a madwoman. I'll try to get to the next chapter sometime today!!

[613]

I see so much potential in this story! There are, however, many grammatical & punctuational errors that took me out of the book I was reading & into my "Okay, Brittney, it's time for editing" mode. Haha.

The plot seems solid. I suggest rereading it for anything that might seem out of place; such as all of the dialogue meshing together, although different people seem to be speaking at once. Things like that.

I wish you much success. I see that happening for you!

- Brittney

[venus]

Thank you very much. I definitely will be doing a lot of proof reading. Im getting a lot of good feedback on the story, next step is to perfect it. I really appreciate the constructive criticism. =]

[613]

You're quite welcome! :D

[Willard Wells]

No promise of when I will get back to finish reading your story, but I must say I want to read more. Fabulous job of opening your story and catching the reader for the most part in the first page. Now please understand I write short poems and am trying to expand my thought process to a book. Even reading anything too long drives me to boredom before you can turn the page. I am not at any stage close to boredom reading your work. Once some of the English Majors step in an point out whatever they see, you will be golden in by opinion. Great work and good luck.