Crayons

Crayons

Fruity-pebbled breath
Exhaled on Alien tongue
Forms the Yin and Yang.
Their smoke travels on the waves
Crashing through the channels
Of my eager brain.
They whisper of Universe's plan
And give me Van Gogh vision.

I see the world melting -
Crayons left to weather
The cruelty of the sun.
Skies are swirling -
Tie-dyed orange blushes
Melding with a violet midnight
Punctuated by a dripping
Blob of cream.

My garden is
A pot of gold -
Place of tranquility;
Beauty draining from the canvas;
Muddied rose turned daffodil
In puddles of wintergreen;
Rainbowed polka dots
Where flowers did once bloom.

The sun is casting dominance
And the metal world
Bends at the waist
To bow its head
In reverent understanding.
Unbreakable beams
Now cascading -
Smoggy, silver waterfalls.

Reviews

[Rogie-Dodge]

lots of imagery and clever turns of phrase. I don't really get what message the poem is trying to convey. Perhaps in that lack of a definite message is an analogy for the bright colours crayon scrawlings of a child's free expression. The colourful imagery is thrown onto the poem like paint onto a jackson pollock abstract. So in that sense it is more like an abstract work of art in words than a 'poem' (whatever a poem is)

[Tai Ryens]

In this I see the perpetual battle between concepts of life, an illustration bled of color or rather a dull existence seeking to destroy . . . Beautiful, I must say, especially in the way I perceive the ending: the victory of the colors as blandness bows to the sun (although such a frame of thought may be a result of pieces I'm working on myself). Well done!

[R. L. Hill]

Thank you, hun! I love your perspective

[Ai Lun]

Another beautiful piece Rachel :)

[R. L. Hill]

Thank you, Aaron

[Ai Lun]

You're Welcome Q :)

[PoetryPenPal]

Whoa. That poem was overwhelming with metaphors, but in a good way! I love crayons, and this gives a whole new "colorful" meaning to them! Great work pal.

[R. L. Hill]

Thank you, doll. Sorry to overwhelm. I don't typically do abstract poetry, but I'm glad it did make you take on a new perspective.

[PoetryPenPal]

No, it was a GOOD overwhelming. I really liked it.

[R. L. Hill]

Oh...good! Lol

[PoetryPenPal]

.....................:-)

[Frieda P]

Very cool Quirklet, ha you had me with that fruity-pebbled line, only you could think of that one. ;-)
Lovin' your Van Gogh vision here, you color out of the lines so cleverly.

[R. L. Hill]

Thanks, dear! This one was tons of fun to scribble down

[Frieda P]

Oh don't you just love those? My pleasure!

[R. L. Hill]

Love them indeed!

[Pryde Foltz]

Crashing through the channels
Of my eager brain.
They whisper of Universe's plan
And give me Van Gogh vision.

A rock and roll write. Very dynamic.

[R. L. Hill]

Thank you!

[Lily Mae]

It was a color extravaganza:) I loved it.. The picture is way cool too..xo

[R. L. Hill]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed

[Scott Metro]

A very nice weave of phrase and word...a tapestry into the inner you.
Psychedelic reverberations..

Nice !!!
Scotty

[R. L. Hill]

Thanks! "Psychedelic reverberations.." Hehe

[Scott Metro]

:)
Scott.....

[Meraki]

Interesting perception of the world around you. Beautiful really, were you under the influence when you wrote this?

[R. L. Hill]

Yep. I was. I was under the "influence" when I penned all of these. That is why I am rather curious as to the response for them. These are all old works because I don't smoke like I did a few years back, but that's okay. I wrote this with the idea of the metal world collapsing and reverting back to its original "garden" state of life. Melting away in order to be rebirthed. It is one of my most "hippy" poems. Haha

[Meraki]

That's what I got from it, but I wasn't sure. Sorry I didn't know how to say it without sounding like a butt.. it's pretty abstract plus I wouldn't mind the "garden" state.

[R. L. Hill]

You can sound like a butt and I can promise you that I won't mind. I rarely do abstract poetry and so this poem is not usual for me, but one of my personal favorites. Was there something in particular that was difficult for you to grasp in this poem that may need an edit?

[Meraki]

This was probably only part I didn't completely understand. Not because it didn't make sense but it was really abstract.
"My garden is
A pot of gold
Place of tranquility
Beauty draining from the canvas
Muddied rose turned daffodil"

[R. L. Hill]

Yes, it is very abstract. It is meant to underlay the notion that all things are melting, not just the metal world. We have to erase it all in order to grow again, even if that seems very destructive. I don't know, the plans the Universe has are not always 100% clear. LOL.

[Meraki]

Hahaha well that makes more sense. Yea plans are always changing it seems.

[R. L. Hill]

Always. I believe in the second law of thermodynamics as an under-appreciated and constantly working force that is hashing out the plans the universe has and one day entropy is gonna slap us in the face till we wake up and work towards rebuilding.

[Meraki]

Haha that's a funny picture. Entropy slapping us in the face I mean.. If you imagine entropy as a human of course.

[Meraki]

:[ That's a morbid joke actually...

[R. L. Hill]

LAWL. Too funny! Where your mind wanders amuses me.