Kingdom of Shattered Hopes and Dreams

A Story by ivyheart

With our heads slightly tilted upward, we stared at the arching branch above us. There was a perfect form to it, as if it begged to be an entrance to a mysterious realm; a door to the unknown.

“Our kingdom starts here, it just feels right,” I said in delight as I slanted my head to glance at my friend.

He looked at me straight on with such an honest, open expression. A smile traced up his face, spreading a creamy layer of joy in his mesmerizing golden-green eyes. It all started there.

It was our kingdom-a place to escape the troubles of reality and bask in the presence of nature and a soul that understood the hardships of the other. We went there as often as we could, planning to create a perfect world from the very fingers of the earth. Laughing, building upon our imagination, comforting each other in times of need, telling stories of the past and sharing hopes of the future, growing closer together to form something between friendship and a relationship; there, we molded a place to allow us be ourselves and not hide behind a mask we threw up to disguise who we really were from the rest of the world. It was almost like a fairytale dream-until it shattered.

“Goodbye,” he said as he walked from my sight, fading out of my life as if he were a mere fabrication my mind had created.

Goodbye…goodbye…goodbye. It echoed in my mind. The voice inside me was so soft it seemed somehow fragile while forming questions that ached. Why did he leave me? How did this come to be? Did I do something wrong? Why? My thought swirled in mass confusion; my heart erupted in pain that coursed through every fiber of my being. I stood inert, on the brink of tears, but stubbornly holding it in until my face burned from the subdued sobs. Too many unanswered questions he left me to drown in; too many warm memories floated in my mind’s eye. The overwhelming anguish was too much to bear. I wanted to forget about my twisted, cowardly, sweet, sweet friend who I loved much too deeply-my almost lover. For leaving me here like this…for abandoning me.

I needed to distract myself; to not let my mind wander back upon the time we shared. I desperately tried to draw, to play video games, to read, to write, to run, anything, to ease this heartache of my lost friend. But no matter what I did, I still awoke at night, salty sweat slick upon my skin, from the memory of him vanishing into the foggy future. The more I tried to forget him, the more my mind and body betrayed me by forcing me to remember. I noticed that because I aimlessly walked to where my feet wanted me to be. I just couldn’t help it. They still took me along the trails we had treaded together, as if our footprints were etched into the dirt paths, back to the kingdom of shattered hopes and dreams. I had brought with me, one day, a special token he had made for me so that I could string it to a tree named Guinevere, who was the marker of a particular part of our kingdom: our favorite place to go. I thought, perhaps if I did that, I could forget him.

Over time, the pain began to dull. It was permanently present, but my heart was tired and growing cold. The feverish want to forget him and the need to know why he left clashed within my soul every second of every day, and I was growing weary. There was a point in which I believed I was ready to move on, and maybe a part of me did; or so I thought until the frame of his body caught my attention through the hustling and bustling of people striding to and fro as they made their way to wherever their destination was. My eyes were fastened to him. He was right in front of me-living, breathing, smiling…coming towards me. Closer and closer, until he brushed right past me like I was someone so insignificant that he didn’t bother to even acknowledge my existence.

My eyes glazed over and I whispered one word, “Why?”

That was when something in me shifted. It was then that I knew forgetting him was impossible. I would eventually run into him again, no matter how far or how soon in the future it would be. This world we live in can often be a small place when you wish to run away from something, as if fate was cruel and threw the things you desire the least back in your face just to spite you. Instead I decided to hold my head up high and not let it get to me. To test my inner strength of that, I wound back up in the neglected kingdom. Immediately I noticed a change in my feelings. The pain was not the same. Rather than a blinding, sickening hole I had felt like I was sinking in; it was only a calm, soft layer of sadness sprinkled in the wind.

I decided to sit on the fuzzy grasses of the concealed field, my back propped up against Guinevere and my legs crossed with my hands limply resting on my feet, and elapse in the quietness of everything that ever was. I needed a release-time to breathe in the life of the past, present, and possible future. Sitting there, it was as if I could feel the rhythmic push and pull of water and nutrients course through the tree’s body while the thousands of tiny mouths upon its leaves open and close to feed and rid of what it didn’t need. Most of all, I thought about the roots growing deep and wildly, tangling into an everlasting bond with its companions around it.

Breaking my train of thought, I heard a sudden rustle and slowly opened my eyes. If I was here before, I would have soared up in excitement while whipping my head around violently, frantically; certain that he was there somewhere. Not anymore. I looked to see a deer flash out of the brush and bound across the cornfield (that was the ocean of the kingdom) and disappear into the rolling hills beyond. It was a sight that widened my perspective on life.

In that moment, I wished to never forget the beauty. There would never be another snapshot in time exactly like that one. I smiled.

“There is no reason to forget this place, or to forget him, for that matter,” I said to nobody in particular, “Just because he left, whatever the cause may be, it doesn’t mean he’s gone. We parted, but as long as there are still the memories, it’s as if we are still together. Somewhere in the past that cannot be erased; where we once belonged. Things change, such as the flitting instant I happened to witness just now, where it can be taken for granted. Still, there are a few things that stay the same, such as the firm hold the trees have on each other; even when it’s not an obvious perception.”

The warm memories flowed freely before me, and tears welled in my eyes.

“People change, but there is a reason for them touching your life, even if they are there for only a little while. What he has given me is the strength to accept what I cannot change. He has a reason behind his actions too, and though I want to know why, it won’t change the fact that he left. Maybe someday I will happen upon the answer. Maybe it will forever be a distant mystery. Who knows?”

I patted the rough, flaking bark on one of Guinevere’s low hanging branches and beheld the little trinket that was strung around its sturdy limb. There was a pressing feeling of bittersweet sadness, but I sensed a heartfelt surge of acceptance that the kingdom will forever be no more. He isn’t coming back. Not now. Not ever. All I had left to do is take courageous steps ahead, securing my own path. Finally, completely dividing the footprints that I thought were one, once upon a time.

A breeze, colored with an almost too aromatic shade of flowers and grasses, flew lazily past; kissing my skin; caressing my hair in the palm of its hands. I tilted my head up as far as I could and took in the stunning azure sky peppered with mauve and cherry blossom pink clouds, while letting this secretly smooth my rumpled spirits.

I permitted my voice to display the end while the wind danced it to the very corners of the universe, “Now…I’m ready to move on…”

I stood up and dusted off my pants. Taking one last look at the place that held so many sentiments for me, engraving it into my heart; I then walked away without ever looking back. Now, the only traces of what we shared lingers in the trinket that was left behind; holding our fragile memories together in an everlasting, frozen moment in time.