Swords

Swords

In a kingdom in a castle lay a rack of weapons.

Can I have a word with you about swords?

The sword is a famous weapon even among lords.

In a blacksmith shop past the gate there is a sword that looks like a crate.

it is made of shining metal. But watch out as to not touch a pedal.

For if this happens the pedal will be gone.

The sword is way too heavy to be stone although it’s never been flown.

Even if you have never seen your doom do not face a sword for it will ruin you.

Reviews

[closed]

this was fun

and in your random style of course


ill have to read more from you



-Dream

[iveltac]

:p dream on Dream. And thanks for reviewing.

[closed]

no problem

[Grace Marie]

You have some really great stuff in here. The only two things i'd call into question are 1) your format. Why does this look like a paragraph and not a poem and would it benefit from a more traditional form? 2) you seem to jump around a bit and it can be a little confusing to read, especially when you talk about a pedal. and I'm just wondering if there's a way you can guide the reader more as well as if you want your readers to understand the poem more. Feel free to ignore any of this it's just something to consider, hope this is helpful.

[iveltac]

i wll change the forma later and if it doesnt make any sense thats just how i write. :p thanks for reviewing.

[Cool Girl]

I like it! It is very unique:) Nice work, Iveltac! You are getting good at these poems:) Well, I mean, you did get advice from me, but it's mostly your talent :P Haha jk. It was all of your talent, my advice was stupid...

[iveltac]

:p no it was all your advice. i read it and it hipnotised me :p

[Cool Girl]

Aww thanks so much! You are still a brlliant writer though:)

[iveltac]

:p thanks.

[Cool Girl]

:P Welome!