Son of Lor/chapter 2

Chapter 2: The King

And very far away, a king was restless too. The kind of restlessness that comes from knowing trouble brewing someplace very near at hand, yet feeling completely helpless about it. Calling him a king would be wrong. He was one with his people, as high or as low as each and every one of them. They had made him their leader, their king, and he'd accepted, albeit a bit reluctantly. And tonight he sat in his room, in front of the royal garden, looking out into the great horizon lining the ocean, into the approaching storm, and what Maera had told him. The queen had seemed uneasy lately, as if fighting an inner-conflict, and on asking, had revealed her fears. The night before, a Brown eagle had flown into her room with a note attached in its talons, and the message had been from her tribe, far away across the desert. For she was not a Lorean by birth. A warrior like all her kinsmen, perhaps the only woman warrior, being of a royal bloodline, she'd fallen in love with the Lorean prince, Krono, when the kingdom of Lor had invaded her country long back. And it was their love that had ended the bitter rivalry that had raged on between the nations for ages, and came back with the prince, finally to marry him. The message she'd held in her hand told of bad times; it read:

 

“Death, as sweet as life,
Accompanies Fate's chariots
too soon, too fast He comes;
to conquer us all yet again”

 

and thus the note confirmed her dread. For she knew the prophecy, and could feel it being played out.

 

The night bore on, heedless of the terrible misfortune soon to plague the land. The ocean water shimmered under the pale light of the twin moons, and the whales cried out their night-cries, mournful and hopeful, all at once. The king got up, and looked like he'd made up his mind about something. He touched the royal symbol that adorned the pendant that lay around his neck, beckoning an old friend of the family. It glowed a fiery red in the darkness, and not soon after, the familiar cry brought an old smile back on his face.

 

Through the mists, a winged beast came flying in, and shortly stopped short in front of his room, hovering in the air, just beside him. The king stepped onto the scaly shoulders, and whispered something into the wyvern's ear. And they took off for the village of Trenoia', by the Stretches.

Reviews

[MarilynJay]

Good writing! I liked how you started off the first chapter with a warrior, kind of in the middle of something. That was interesting. I also liked the way you set up the mood. The trouble brewing and general feeling of unrest helped lend to an atmosphere of mystery. Just one thing, your writing is just a tad bit choppy, like where you said, "...looking out into the great horizon lining the ocean, into the approaching storm, and what Maera had told him." The last clause doesn't quite make sense, because the verb is "looking" and you can't look at what someone says. However, the writing is very poetic and your descriptions read almost like a poem. Another thing, maybe you should consider describing the animal in the last paragraph - the wyvern :). It sounds really interesting, but you brushed over it a little. All together, it's a very good piece so far.

Oh, another thing - I noticed this is the second chapter, but you posted it as a "story." If you want, you can use the Writing tab, --> Add Writing, ---> Type - then scroll down to "book" and put your chapters in a book. Doesn't much matter - what you're doing works fine, but now you know the option is there :).