Christmas Hominy

The whole Christmas tree experience as told by an apartment dweller with cats.

 

If you have cats (or other pets that might cause Christmas Tree drama)…this might be of help.   My daughter and I were glad to be the test dummies for the rest of you! 

 

We first went to the tree lot.  Decided that the cats would probably shred this tree, as they’ve done in the past.  They like to knock over the tree, so we ended up with sap in the carpet on more than one occasion.  Not so good when you rent.

 

We then went to good old Target.  The crowds were thick and people were pushing and grabbing for this trinket or that bauble.  Then we spotted it…”the” tree.  It was labeled Tree No. 25, and there were just two left.  As I made my way to the shelf that held several other trees, and the last two boxes of 25s, one of the display trees came crashing down on my cart.  In all the hustle and bustle, the tree – perched very precariously on a raised platform had been bumped and jostled so many times, one of the supporting legs had broken.  While a couple of other shoppers helped me wedge the poor tree back onto the platform, my daughter fought off another shopper for the last tree.  She dragged it off the shelf and hurled the box into our cart.  TRIUMPH!

 

We then realized that nearly all our ornaments went away with the divorce.  Gotta buy new ones!  We continued to battle our way through the crowded aisles filled with specialty ornaments mixed with “one-box” assortments.  We ultimately settled on Red and Silver for our color theme, and quickly located several shatter-proof ornaments (again, the cats).  Finishing off the struggle by wading through toppled gift wrap to locate a few boxes of tiny white lights, a new tree skirt, and a shiny silver filigreed star and we were on our way!

 

We set the tree up and fluffed out all the pretend pine branches.  I strung the lights, careful to make sure there were no “holes”.  We decided to leave the decorations for the next day. 

 

In the morning, we awoke to find that my two cats had been working on a secret mission to throw the tree out the window, but must have been interrupted by the sound of my morning alarm.  The tree had been felled, and dragged half-way across the living room.  I reset the tree, but did nothing to correct the shape of the tree.

 

This went on for a few days.  Finally, on Saturday, in utter disgust, I made my way to the grocery store intent on locating a few large bags of rice or beans that might serve as anchors to help keep the tree upright – even with my two cats conspiring to take it down completely.  I quickly abandoned the rice idea when I saw the price for a large bag at $25!  I’d have spent more on anchoring the tree than I did on the decorations and the tree in total!  As I wandered down the ethnic food aisle, I started thinking of how to obtain cinder blocks, bricks…cement…whatever – then the clouds parted, the angels began singing and a brilliant light shone from the heavens right down on…huge 64oz cans of, yes, you guessed it…hominy!

 

I bought 4 cans for a couple of bucks each.  Then used a combination of sheets, hominy cans and towels to anchor the tree and shape a lovely, fluffy, snowy base to go under my tree skirt.

 

Confident that I had conquered the cats, we decorated the tree.

 

Morning came, and as I made my way to the living room, I was certain I’d find a toppled tree, and ornaments strewn from one wall to the other.  Nope…I had won.  The tree stood proud, and all but two ornaments were just where we placed them.  I’ve left the two stolen ornaments off the tree for the cats to play with…a small sacrifice, but well worth it!

 

Hominy makes for Harmony at Christmas!

Reviews

[Luwana]

Beautifully written! And funny!

[Wildecat]

Awesome story love pets, this rocks, well done.