God

Disillusionment

 

Why won’t you help me?

Why wouldn’t you before?

 

I prayed and begged

Wished, hoped, and tried

Screamed, cried, cajoled and threatened

 

Doomed to try and please as you tortured and destroyed

Then cursed you and I railed at the sky

 

I gave all over to you: life, heart, soul, and hope

Crumbling further, faster, I had to take it back

Back into my own hands, heart, mind, and stunted self

Back to constant torture, terror, self-loathing and shame

 

Never did I kill or maim, and rarely did I lie

Never went out of my way to hurt

Did not steal, and kept on trying

 

I fought again, tried harder, and kept on struggling through

But wilted, faded, lost it all

With never a ripple marring the pond

 

No faith, no joy, no hope, no will

Wasted, all that time

Energy towards nothing

Desperate dream of redemption, SAVE me already

 

I gave it all to shards of hell, they rained down harder

Faster, lethal, sliced and festered

Darker and harder; deeper, infected and spreading

 

I confessed, obsessed, repented and relented

I prayed and begged and screamed again

 

Isolated desperately, and yet I never stopped

I tried and died and still believed

 

No more, but weakened moments catch me trying once again

 

But if you do exist (and I do not think you do)

You’re hateful and sadistic, spewing punishment and pain

For no reason except you’re able

Vengeance for its own sake

 

And you’ve killed me for the last time

Reviews

[Yori Kisho]

The imagery and emotion in this is particularly powerful and moving. The reader can really feel the frustration and the hurt, as well as the helplessness, as in the line, "...but weakened moments catch me trying once again." I also especially like the last line; it's strong and direct.
It reminds me both of one of my favourite stories and one of my favourite songs; overall a very powerful piece.

[Philly]

There is some very strong imagary, Jules. The pain and frustration of trying to get a response from an unfeeling deity is very clear. Very well done Jules.

[Eunice Crankyponts]

Wow, Jules! This is pretty much how most people feel about unanswered prayers. Yet, God is no magical, mystical, being that will cure all the world and randomly answer prayers. As the saying goes, he helps those who help themselves...which, yes, sucks but it is what it is.

I can feel the pain and anger in the words....and I long for more. :)

[MissRed]

Another great poem, Jules. This is a strong poem from beginning to end, I loved every line of it. You really know how to use words well. This would be a great poem to read aloud, I think. I love this line especially, "SAVE me already." I've thought that before, as has so many others. Beautifully written!

[The Mad Prophet]

Awsome, powerfully moving, and very independent. I think this one is a master piece, then agian I found balance in Nature not god. The mother is more accepting, just gotta see what life and death is really about. I thought you expressed your piece well, thank you for sharing.