Once Upon

The end of a relationship.

Once upon a loudness

I wanted nothing

but the quiet

 

And you stopped talking to me

 

Then, upon the closeness

of the bed, claustrophobic

I wanted nothing but no contact

 

And you stopped touching me

 

And then, upon connection

I wanted freedom

room to breathe

 

And you stopped loving me

 

And then, upon aloneness

You were gone

away from me

 

Just what I didn't know I wanted

 

Reviews

[littlered]

This is such a good expression, in poetic form, that most of us, if not all, can relate to at some time in our life's

[Trée]

Each stanza, like a ratchet, pulling me closer and closer to the edge of goodbye. Love the twist at the end, or at least the twist I wasn't expecting and the twist that made me love this one all the more. Jules, you do dull pain extremely well. I really think these poems are good enough to be published.

[Pakino]

I agree the format of the poem is unique and well done. Love everything about it. Simple message and very straight to the point.

[MissRed]

I really like the format and how it conveys the purpose of the poem. Very good! It is very simple and flows so nicely. I think you could ever develop it further by adding even more description though the simplicity of it is quite nice. After reading it, I just thought, "I really like that." And read it again. :)