her eyes

in his perspective.

dark streets blinding with the streaks of yellow and red

sitting outside in a dreadful, long night

with no one but a bottle of vodka

a perfect company of bitterness and heat in my throat

felt nothing but my head was with the clouds

and that sudden urge to pee

everything was a blur

but that speckle of blue I see

the moon shining on heavenly deep aquamarine eyes

an enchanting smile

revealing the aggravatingly seductive depth of her dimples

…what an eye-catching beauty

I stare into her eyes as I watch her walk away

as her scarf flows with the rhythm of the wind

with the sound of her heels in harmony with the city noise

pondering whether i’ll see the sight of her dreamy eyes 

…wondering ever again

Author's Note

wrote this for our creative writing class, please tell me what you think and what I can improve!! thank you <33

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

The first stanza sets the scene well, a sneaky rhyme in stanza two suggests the protagonist moves from his spot to find somewhere to relieve himself. I did find it difficult to envision him heading for a dark corner alighting upon her. Where did she suddenly appear from? Ok then there is the dissonance betwixt the two players; her fortunate, him down on his luck as he fantasises about the beauty he has seen. Perhaps simply a drunken mirage!

[mariposa]

I love your insight!! I appreciate is so much!!

[moongirl]

The poem is well made, I like how I can picture the image in my head because of the words you used, it’s simple and straight to the point--what her eyes looked like in his perspective.

[Juancheeto]

I poem is simplistic but leaves a long-lasting impression to the reader. The way how the poem portrays the vision of a woman catching the attention of a drunken man feels very real all the way to the wording of the poem.

[Mr. Morningstar]

The poem was very relatable and the word choice was very good, the connection I made was a little spot on for me but that's just me.

[fishball]

The words you used were beautiful and fit for describing the city at night, and along with the feelings of being drunk and seeing everything as a blur were on point. And somehow, this poem gave off a kind of magical feeling when I looked into the perspective of this persona who was enchanted just by looking into the eyes of a woman. It's a beautiful poem. :))

[Lachimolala]

As I read the poem, I easily imagine it and this made me relieved :)

[alfon]

Ang ganda ng poem!!! Consistent sa paglagay ng imagery. :)))

[pearl]

The description is on point. I imagined the night life as I was reading the poem. The point of view is also refreshing. It is nice to know how a guy sees a girl.