The Old Woman Next Door

A Story by Inadequate

she opened my eyes and showed me the truth.

Sitting in her garage and watching people come by to see the treasures placed out, together the old woman and I collected small amounts of money from people who found something that interested them. Mary had been my neighbor ever since I moved here, when my mom got a new boyfriend with a daughter 2 years older than me and a nice house out in the forest where the nicer people lived. Growing up she was like my grandma, she had grandkids around my age that I would play with and I would always come over and do crafts with her and bake with her husband. It was just her and her husband both in their late 50`s and their disabled son who couldn’t move out and occasionally one of her kids, all around 30, would come live with her for a small amount of time. It was nice to be able to have someone to talk to or well listen to seeing how much she talked. As we sat there she turned to me and began to talk, “she didn’t like you much when you first came here, the mother of your stepsister’s best friend who just happens to like 3 houses over,” her eyes traced the floor as she spoke in a low uncertain tone, “she would call you a brat and say how troubled you were. Do you remember her being distant?” I nodded to insure her I remembered then she began to talk again but this time with a not so worried but a loving tone to show me she cared, “she would go on and on until one day I said to her “this girl has been through a lot you know? You are friends with her mama and she may tell you things that go on but she doesn’t bring up the past, does she? This little girl has lost so much and had so many things taken from her, she is strong and a fighter, her life has flipped upside down and gone sideways but she still manages to keep her head up and keep trying, she continues to fight this war of life and somehow is always bein` positive and trying to do her best.” After that she began to be a little nicer and welcoming to you, have you noticed this?”” I looked to the floor then looked up as my eyes meet hers.

“I-I I am troubled so I understand if people want to be distant but I thought she was acting different with me because I’ve gotten older and she’s became good friends with my mom, I never knew that’s what she thought of me.” I was upset but trying not to make it noticeable then she began to talk again.

“I remember when you first came here, you here 8 and you always hung out with the neighbor kids.” She sounded sad and worried but I wasn’t sure, she looked up at me. “They were so mean to you, always made fun of you and left you out, cheat in games when you where it but you still would try to play with them. You were so hopeful but once you got older you became distant and didn’t want to see them anymore you got into other things and you lost that light of hope in you.” At this point I thought she was going to cry but she didn’t, she just put her hand on my knee and looked at me and said. “I care about you girly, I really care about you.”

“Thank you” I replied, completely heart filled and honest.

I use to just live over at her house, I would constantly just go over so I could have something to do when I was left out by the neighbor kids. I stopped going more and more by the time I was in 6^th grade I rarely went over. The summer after 8^th grade I went over to take care of her animals ( 2 cats, 2 dogs and also my cat who was staying there while my parents where gone and I was staying at the neighbors till my aunt picked me up who lived a good 4 hours away). I went next door to see if the little girl in the next house over if she wanted to help, her being a 5^th grader who loved animals she instantly had her shoes on and came with. We were hungry so we decided to “borrow” some food and the girl couldn’t find anything so I began to grab things and also washed dishes and put them away to repay stealing I mean borrowing some food. Katie asked me how I knew where everything was and how I knew so much stuff about the house and how lived in it, I thought back and remembered how I use to be here all the time and was always helping out. I looked at her and just said “practice and time”, I think my response confused her because she then changed the subject to the animals and asking when they last ate. We fed the animals and watched some tv until we thought it was time to go home.

I miss having connections like that, being able to feel a part of something and like I has a place to go when I needed it. I always get in trouble and ended up getting home schooled and not being able to do much so I began to feel really lonely and secluded. I know most kids don’t get along with their parents but when you are constantly with them with absolutely no freedom begins to drive you a little crazy so this taste of something different made me feel good and like maybe things aren’t so bad. But reality came back on like a light switch and I continued remembering how much trouble I had gotten myself into. I always wish I could go back and do something wrong and I go as far back as to when I was little and had a choice to go with my mom or my dad and other times I think of the latest situation and with I could change my yes to no and fix the present. But the thing is you can’t change the past or the future, we live in the present so we must LIVE in the present, enjoy what we have now. I have a really hard time with that, I always expect the worse to come and that I’ve already messed up enough that there’s no point in even trying to enjoy what I have because I feel like I have nothing. My parents always get upset when I say that because they say I’m very lucky to have the life I have, I live in a nice house, I have clothes and have nice things but they still don’t understand. When I say, “I have nothing” it doesn’t mean I don’t have anything physically but mentally, I feel as if I have to purpose for life, and I have nothing to look forward to. When I told my parents this they decided to come up with a chart for things to look forward to and also explained that gad created me with purpose and all that but it doesn’t help. Nothing ever helps.