Now

is it time for me to go

or is it time at all

what i want and what you want

give me sword,

yes i will dance

dance for fire

dance for rain

dance for meaning

dance for death,

i will dance in sea of knowledge

or i will sink in worst oblivion.

Reviews

[Kasey Miriam]

Your use of rhythm here is wonderful. Very vivid and deep poem. thank you for sharing

[Violet's Run]

This conveys what it means in a swift manner. Efficient, clean cutting ike a sword. Also the rhythm picks up as it goes on.. faster.. to the finish like a sword dance.. very good I liked it and enjoyed it.

[MariaDahl1791]

This is quite good. I love how it was constructed. It was well put together and for some reason reminds me of a knight.

[just Penny]

A short complex poem packed with inferences. It reminded me almost of a puppet show or court jester, having to do what is expected like an automaton. I liked it :) Penny

[C. Rose]

Very rhythmic. I found myself swaying. Word I choose to describe this: haunting. I feel like the meaning is just outside my understanding. I read this as not wanting to leave, and being willing to fight to stay alive with knowledge. What was your intent?

Watch your lowercase.
Put an article before "sea of knowledge" and "worst oblivion"
More punctuation. I recommend your current commas become periods.

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[Aethereal]

As I was reading this poem, I couldn't help but picture in my mind all of those frisky honey bees at this time of year doing that Nectar Dance that shows their sister bees the location of rich flower fields as they engage in their quest to serve Queen and Hive.

[A.N Hunter]

One word amazing, its super unique and has a mind of it's own and the words are well chosen. Though short and not wordy it packs a power punch.

[Luna Zerimar]

Ah, amazing.

Also, I agree with the last comment.

[Baby Ricochet]

Eventually we all sink into oblivion.

[laRagazza]

Change sink to drown!!! (you don't have to of course, I just think that would be cool:) Also, the second to last line is a little awkward because there's no article in front of 'sea'. I don't know if you meant it to be this way, or if it was just a mistake.

Oh and just one last thing, maybe it would flow better if your last line was 'or sink in worst oblivion'. I don't have the best ear for that kind of stuff, but it sounds good to me.