VALLEY OF REGRET

Dont get lost by today's excitement. if things get sore tomorrow doesn't mean it wont get better the day after it.

The road through the hurdle looked easy
As we walked on well built road and bridges
I got carried away by enthusiasm and excitement
Never worrying if the path will ever get hard
Now we got to the peak of situations
We all had to jump down
Get up and then climp to the top
To continue the journey
There were land and sea at different ends
Left for us was faith and effort to decide
What phase awaits us
I felt my body drip inside the water
But my mind got buried in sand
Surely there is a valley of regret
And I have lost a huge part of me there.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I know this story well. It is the story of my life. I'm sure there are many people who would read this & also see their own life struggle here. It's a universal message, told with the interesting parallel of having this be a journey along a road, thru a valley called regret. I like that premise & it beckons the reader to read onward. I feel there are a few places where you use "ordinary" words & your word choices could be bumped up a few notches . . . "carried away by enthusiasm & excitement" is a cerebral way to say this . . . it could be put into the realm of FEELING by SHOWING us the excitement. What are these people doing & looking like, as they display this enthusiasm you speak of? Concepts like "climbing peaks" and "buried in sand" are vanilla & much-used. I think you can say the same thing, but taking more time to find words that haven't been used to describe a tough journey all the time. This poem is on the verge of being quite powerful, becuz the message is very compelling.

[ANTO]

This is really, really good isinho17. The opening line is a knockout - I never thought of it that way. Very eloquent and filled with amazing metaphors. Nice one my new friend. It good to read you here on WC.
:))
keep up the good writing