From above comes the whip

 

 

   This gentle palace of norm

Sits anxiously, quiet before the storm

Boom! Crack!

The anger of the gods strikes fierce into the earth

 

  The light, powerful pillar of polar light

Beaming crooked down the path

Transparent, phading quickly

From our orderly perceptions

 

The light tower pierces through the clouds

Lashing the earth and its fleas angerly

   Like a slave to its master

This quiet place is at the mercy of the element

   The violent forces they ingnore

 

Reviews

[Talismanic]

Hi there Isiah, I saw your request in the group forum. I don't have any poems up, so I don't expect a return review, I just found this poem really epic:)

'this gentle palace of (normality)' ?
'the anger of the gods' strikes (ferocity) into the earth' ?
Because 'light' is repeated in the same line of the second stanza, maybe consider another term such as 'the light, the powerful pillar of polar radiance' or 'the shaft, powerful pillar of polar light'
'transparent fading quickly' I haven't seen a ph spelling before, it's like a combination of fading and phasing, very intereting:) I couldn't find a word for 'angerly', do you mean 'angrily' ?
'at the mercy of the elements'
I think of elements as plural, and you've used forces afterwards, so it might read best.

You've captured the breathtaking intensity of a storm with such sheer, mesmerising imagery- especially the final stanza with the lighthouse likening us to fleas- perfect analogy and sense of scale. Terror in the ultimate, original meaning of the word:)

[isiah_holmes]

Thanks you for the feedback, i would love feedback on some of my other stuff. And if you ever post something, i could return the favor.
Thanks again