The Death of my Mare

A few days ago my mare who was about 20 years old died. I had to put her down with a 22. Now I remember when I bought her at an auction. My step dad took me to the auction and let me bid. I was in my late teens at the time. I bid on the first two sets of teams coming through the ring and was the high bidder at around 2000$ per team. But after the bidding stopped on each team the owner didn’t think he wanted to part with the teams for that low price. Before the third team came out I was so in the rabbit hole that I had to ask my step dad to tell me what I bid on the last team . Then a pair of mares came out and I bid up to 1800$ and bought them. Mandy (the mare who just died) was one of the mares. I trained the team and was there for when each of them had a foal. And even milked them by hand when I took them away from the farm and their foals to pick up corn at other Amish farms. I spent years in the field with these horses until Mandy’s mate died and then I used Mandy for many years after that.



So the other day she didn’t come back to the barn and I had to go into the woods to find her. She had laid down and couldn’t get up so I tried to move her into a better position but she was just not going to be able to get up. At this point I felt I had to stop her suffering, or my suffering. At that point I couldn’t tell the difference. I think when you love, you create an opening for the suffering of the world to enter your life. And so my mom, step day and I were there when I put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. It was a very sacred moment for all of us and when she stopped breathing, the pain and suffering stopped for all of us. And when I walked away the conviction of,”WE WILL MEET AGAIN GIRL” reverberated through my being.

Reviews

[sue]

Hi Lyle, Yes suffering loss brings out a deeper awareness of what is meaningful in our lives. I think the love we share is never lost, it just gets hidden from our eyes for awhile. Never stop loving, no matter how much it hurts. Thanks for the review.

[M.E.Lyle]

Suffering loss unleashes all kinds of emotional ...I don't know what. My mother sufferes from Alzheimers disease. We recently had to place her in an assisted living unit. We sold her house this year and put all the money in her account. I was blessed with the duty of having Power of Attorney, so I had to mess with all the business dealings with the house. It also meant I would be the last to leave the house. I remember the empty feeling I had as I left. I remembered the good times we all shared as a family in that old place. There were tears in my eyes, but I couldn't help it. I sat and questioned my faith for a minute wondering, why do things have to change? Someday I will be my mother, and my children will be me. Will they go through those same emotions? It's the normal life cycle I suppose.