Willing Victim

self portrait

I live and work on this dairy farm with my mom and step dad in Pennsylvania. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns in Massachusetts.






This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I'm a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don't have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn't break my" trance like" meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn't make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.







Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.





It seems my bio father and his wife decided that I needed psychatric help and got a lawyer who got a judge to sign a paper allowing my father to come and take me to the funny farm with the help of two policemen.





So for about a week he showed up at my apartment with the two policemen to drag me away to a mental health facility. But I was never there at the same time the police were and I was able to elude being captured for awhile. Then two days later the police found me hiding in a closet and dragged me away complete with handcuffs and leg irons. I sat in front of another judge while my father worked over this second judge to force me to be admitted to the local insane asylum.
So that's where I stayed for a few weeks. Then they diagnosed me schizophrenic and let me go into the loving care of my father.




So I came to live with my bio father. He treated me like his schizophrenic pet. He would leave me in this house, which was being paid for by his boss, all day long with nothing to do and nowhere to go until he returned at night to feed me. Like a said I could go long periods of time meditating but I didn’t feel this situation was taking me down the path toward enlightenment. Through my awareness of the situation I could tell I was being held prisoner here to put pressure on my mom to move back to Massachusetts because my fathers’ boss had the hots for her and he uses his money to manipulate people. Also my father was enjoying sticking it to my mom and step dad for living a life of their own without him. But unfortunately for him I am a karmic mirror in this game which means all the players will end up eating their own karma or reaping what they sow.




Telephone rings. I pick it up to discover my step dad is on the other end.

"Hi sweetheart." I heard his darling voice say over the phone.

"Hi dad." I replied. "I'm amazed you got me, I feel like I'm in solitary confinement here, no calls and no visitors."

'"Well your father is making a big deal of this situation. He's told your mother that in order to relate to you she has to leave me and come live in Massachusetts."

"What a s**t head he can be."

"Nevertheless," my dad continued, “You have to get yourself out of there to stop your mothers' pain and shift it onto the people who put this s**t sandwich together. I would come and get you myself but that would give the impression that I'm snatching you away and this stupid game will start all over again. Best if you walk out the door, stick out your thumb and trust in God.”

“I’m ready for the exit out of here by any means.” I exclaimed.

“That’s good because there will probably be a lot of resistance to overcome.”

“OK dad, I’m out of here, see you in a few days.” I said with as much conviction as I could muster.


 

 

       COMMENTARY ON WILLING VICTIM

 

It seems to me that the willing victim story begs the question as to how much of it is story and how much is reality. To most readers there is a sharp dividing line between fiction and reality. But to me there is no line. I guess that's why they labeled me schizophrenic. But let me explain, there is method to my madness.

In this situation my bio father and the doctors put a story into my mind. The story is a fictional story until the person who received the story lives it out. In this case you must keep in mind I did not give my consent to this story; it was forced upon me. Which makes a big difference when I went inside my mind and decided the story they were forcing on me was too sad a story for me to live out. So I rewrote the story in my mind and am living out this new story that I wrote myself. And the story of Willing Victim is part of this new story. Anyone can write their own story. All one needs is a belief in ones' self which is stronger than the opinions of the idiots around you.

 

 

Reviews

[Steve]

WEll i enjoyed reading this one again.....i think you put many, many thoughts and ideas into a few paragraphs...

Very interesting stuff....

[.]

This was the most inspirational piece i've ever read! Thank you so much for sharing it. =) I like the idea of writing one's own story. Sometimes believing in it is difficult, but I've got alot of "Idiots" around trying to make me think in other directions.

Hugs!
Ash

[Steve]

Sue,

I love how you write and I have no doubt in my mind to your talent. I hope that much of this story is fiction since I am starting to think of you as a friend.

[bluessadmood]

I just loved this..what are the lines between fiction and realty..i see no line at all,i think we live our life like a very huge fiction..
who says its for real ,who can debate that this mind of ours can do things we will never be able to tell of foresee or understand..
oh yes when they put that story in your mind about the madness,they made it so real so convincing,but its still a story..
and you can live your own story..life is a big game..as i see it at times its really so funny,we run after it like its a fact,
while its not all i see is a mirage,some few stupid things they put in our heads,and it looks like real,though its not..
when i go out of my house to see friends like at work,and hear what they say,i swear i always try to stiffle a giggle and stop myself
from laughing,for they take things so seriously,while i take it less than lightly,for i know everything we live could be just a joke,
who could ever tell me this is a not a play being played around me,i always questioned myself..wonderful very thoughtful write,
the ideas has occured to me a lot and disturbed me a lot,yet i could but feel so calm and easy since i know its just a game we play
lovely write..

[Nik Dendera]

Despite having a spiritual depth of a puddle (its true, I am THAT deep) I enjoyed this. You waste no time in jumping in and giving a detailed, yet fascinating account of events.

I have no line between reality and fantasy. If that makes me crazy, then fine. I'm multiple personalities thrown into one being and my imagination has to find its outlet, or the other guys in here get annoyed. That's why they call me the Introverted Extrovert.

I agree with your commentary-self belief is a powerful thing. In this, the 'victim' overcomes because of it, it allows the self to finally fly.

Great piece, I look forward to reading more.

[KUFU]

A compelling read! I really enjoyed this short story. Did the heroine ever make it to her father? What was the journey on the road like? Oh, and the metaphysical angle of the schizophrenia! Are the voices in her head really telepathic messages from her beloved Step-dad, or were they manifestations of a real diagnosis? I must know. I look forward to additional posts of this short story if there are more to come.